Painful Past Now Future Memories

For the first time that loneliness has finally set in
A feeling I have suppressed for so long has final come to see me
Like a figure stand outside my eye sight
Like something from a mystery series
I can not solve the pains of my life for the future
But the pains of my heart and soul are now one
I can not bury myself in the pains of nothingness
I have buried myself enough
The sand is heavy
The grains and large
And the hole is getting bigger and bigger
No amount of alcohol can cover the memory
No amount of drug can help me escape this tragedy
I have this loneliness clouding my judgment
Killing me from the inside
And slowly showing on the outside for the world to see
Everyday I ask my self  “ Am I asking for too much?”
Do I demand so much and still not satisfied because of the lack in return
Am I this distance memory from the worlds mind
Or am I just describing myself to a T
I have nothing more to report
I have nothing to say anymore
I feel my love is down
My soul is low
My mind is thoughtless
And as a whole…..I am withering
The purpose of me is to be supportive
But how can I be supportive when the one I love continuous to reject me
I have been through this before
He caved in
But at the cost of tears and count hours spent convincing
Convincing that the world is still a ok place to live in
That nothing would harm him if I was there
If he had something to say an ear would always be ready to listen
3 years later
He became my ultimate best friend
But in the end his love for me had pass
No!
My love for him ran out
I lost the power to continue
And now the regret that I rejected is facing me
I’m going thru it again like round 2
Something that no wants to save me from
I have the feeling that all I want is no more than a replica of what I need
If this is the case then why is it easy for me to accept compliments
I feel purposeless
Like nothing I do carries any meaning
I hate having this meaningless feeling
And yet its here
Buried in my heart and soul
Buried…Hiding…waiting
So much sadness….so much hurt…so much…Loneliness