Deep.....Thoughtful Feelings

I am here and I thought of him
I have no answers for myself when it comes to him
He should be the one pursing me
And in the confines of my mind I feel I am at a road block
Where nothing seems to be real
This fantasy world where I must conquer
I feel lonely every time I play song
Now I depressed
I am nothing with his voice close to my ear
I have nothing without his rhymes to listen to
I want to say goodbye to something that I think I never said hello to
His touch I long for
His love I prayed for
His time spent is something that will always be cherished
And now I sit here wondering if everything I have done so far
Is just another break in my life
Did I say I wanted love to  lose it officially
Did I make such a story up to say I am losing the precious
I can I stop repeating the same chapter and make a new book
I have met incredible people in my life
And I see them grow
Now its my turn and I find myself stuck
No one knows the guidance of my heart but God
But I feel the Devil also doesn’t  have a clue about my whereabouts
Is it to this point I have not made amends
Do I need to heal more
Do I need to wake up and search again
Do I need to work on me
Or do I need to work others
But then I think of him and I have the feeling I have been working all along
And the results of my work is nothing
What have I gained from him
Other than the confession and declaration
A declaration that was to be made in person
And yet again verbal consent has been given
And my mind no longer accepts
I’m broken all over again
And there is nothing he can do
I can not mold him into what I want
He has to be where he needs to be already
I can stand by his side all day long
But the fight really does not beginning with me
It begins with him
The story continues