My Failing Attempt…..Vent P2

So many words I want to say
So much on my mind I want him to hear
But he days of him hearing me are over
The best friend I lost
The soul mate I could have gained
Something about him made my world go round
Something that made the sun bow down
And the moon come closer
Something that grow into the powerful notion
How I wish he would answer me
But his voice in mind is fading
Is this what he really wanted
Even if his mama said stop calling my son
I would understand
As I listen to this song Case - Happily Ever After
I know that this could never be
Even if all these feelings that course thru my veins are wrong
I have to remain strong
This is something I must be
Having him would a joy all by itself
But having him is not enough
I wanted us to grow and be mature adults
Have a child we could call our own
Make our child understand that this world can be so cruel
But as our child look at his/her parents
He/she would see that everything is ok
That there is a brighter future
And love is possible
But now that child will never be conceived
Now that one that carried the other half of life is not here
I can vent until the tears on my face run dry
But the river flows like nothing I have ever felt
Seeing him would have been the beginning
Being with him would have been a wish come true
Laying next to him would have been a dream come true
And making love to him would have been a fantasy
But now I have to live with this nightmare
The nightmare that started days ago
Not having his voice not to my ear
Hearing him snore over and again
Being hard for him was not hard
Being strong for him was not never difficult
But encouraging him was the hardest thing I have ever had to do
I felt as if my heart was being tested on every call
That nothing was enough
It never seemed right
It was never enough
Or in his mind that it was no more than a broken record
I feel as if someone told me to fight an already lost battle
A battle I was determine to win
But again he lost me
Something he said he would never do
All I can do is breathe
Inhale…..