Failed Lover

I am wrong when I say I am wrong
I do not believe in the power of second chances
So I have no right to ask for one
But in my wrong I see that leaving him alone is right
I have hurt him like all the others
Seeing him that way is the greatest guilt ever given
I have nothing to say
And yet I have so much confessing to do
But his ears will not allow me to do so
This all the things he has known
Has heard before
So hearing it from me would be no more than a broken record
Its not a song I would want to play on the record player
And yet it plays to him like a signal
I never expected to be so cruel to his feelings
I never imagine giving him to much of me
And I never understand my passions for this far away lust
But I guess my denial wasn’t strong enough
I was slowly fallen in love
Making plans to see him
As regular as possible
To not repeat anything from my past but it seems
I have not learned my lesson yet
It seems I have not taken up my cross
It seems I placed on the ground to continue to grow
Growing with more of my faults and consequences
If this continues than I guess it will be heavier
So heavy I can carry it
But this is something I can never escape from
So I must figure out a way to stop  its growth
But with him it continues to grow
All because I could not keep the promises made
All because I could have him closer to my heart
Closer to my body
I have not made it aware to myself that I am in love
I have not places a barrier around my heart anymore
All because he knocked it down
Long before the grout had time to dry
He placed his arms around me with the mind of caution
But I places my heart in his hands with carelessness
Its not fortunate that out paths have crossed
This is just something to let us know there is something wrong
Or maybe there is something right
That our talk can last thru the night
That our love has an existence
That with every breath we talk it assure that a future is there
But I will never know what this means
He is gone
And I am back being alone
Back to the status that never seems to leave my lips
I failed
I am…..single