My Saga, My Life.....Me

Whenever I'm faced with a dilemma
I fight
Whenever given a problem
I evaluate
But whenever some attacks my pride a human
I feel hurt
I remain as positive as I can
But in the mist of people who do not understand
I feel stumped and out of place
Its not really in my best interest to cater to the opinions of others
Its not in my best interest to run from the face of danger
I am a fighter
I will remain a fighter until the most high calls me home
I have a large set of brass balls
They were never made over night
I have committed myself to everything
And I accepted my fate without flinch
All of these things I have accomplished
And yet people still want to make me out to the be the bad guy
So I take whatever comes my way
I pray to God not just every time trouble comes my way
I believe that I am strong 
And that my light will shine above the bullshyt
So here I am
A girl, a lady and slowly growing into a strong woman
I have the mind set
I have the power
So now I am making it a reality
Slowly but surely
Its my reality
Not someone else written story
This is what I made
My Life....My Story
This is not the end
To Be Continue.....

Whose Concern...All About Me

I think to myself I have done so much
I have accept the fact that love may never come my way
That having someone takes time and effort
That understanding the feelings of others is not a waste of time
But in the end I always find myself alone
When comes I have company 
But when he leaves I am alone
I have nothing but myself to blame
And yet I have myself to thank
Its funny to my hows things fall in life
The pain... the horror... the worry... the strife
Its nothing but God that keeps me sane
And its nothing but the Devil that keeps me at my worse
So either way I'm learning lessons daily
Like the hearts and troubles
The lips that speaks for the heart and mind
But over all this is what I live with
This is nothing compared to the horror I could committ
But in my end I have just me
The only one that matters when the chips fall
And even though the world may say they are affect
I feel to believe in time it will be
But for now its all about me

From Others.......To Now Just Me

I have kept myself for you and leave
For say I am nothing when everyday you say there is something about me
But in my end you had something else other than me
You found yourself lonely
Called upon someone else other than me
And I dedicated more time to you
And so much love to give an army faith
And yet you found something else
You placed your love on someone else
And try to change more and more to suite you
But the days I slacked another picked up
On the days I gave space others took up a schedule
It was not easy to see you the other
It was not my intention to find out in the way I did
I wanted to get the one who loved me
But on that day I found you with others
Nothing I could have done could have changed this outcome
So I played a game of ignorance until a faithful day
You made the other known to me
Someone you claimed was great in everywhere
Gave you life when life was constantly taken
So I said go to the other side
The bed I kept was warm was no cold and vacant
So played the game of stupidity when I walked away easily
I had the rules embedded in my mind
But as I left I left you happy
You left ,me destroyed
But in the end…the end of my game playing
I found out that I lost it all
Nothing more than a empty shell
Cup that is forever empty
So I run the plays back over and over again
To make sure that as life goes….dome how
I do not make these same mistakes again
I have rediscovered me after many years
To tell the next one that I am a only one woman man
That many do not come to me
I have one single heart
It can never be divided among many
I have a single complex that remains the same until further notice
I give myself the space I need to grow
And I have more to give
So now I grow beyond the normal mannerisms
I play to my own understanding
Constantly learning
So what really have I learned
Stop playing games
Get on with my life and…..
Be Careful What I Pray For

The Devil's Poetic Justice

How often to men and woman come to me
Seeking higher learn and powerful things
Everything that is desire down to materialistic fiends
I come like a thief in the night
Comparing to everything
Making your wishes seem oh so right
Compared to the ways I see you is nothing
To a contract we hold it nothing
So I take what is given
Sometimes I go the extreme
Sometimes you need a wake up call
Or some other kind of being
But you call my predecessor instead me
But I slowly wait until you say he failed me
And like again a thief I come to your aid
I spread love and happiness
At price you can afford
And then I read between the lines
To your life I destroy
So why make such a compromise with me
Cause everyday you think my predecessor isn’t listening
But do know he listen in his own due time
But to me I like it right here right now
To why make such crazy deals
To the feed a family to feed a nation its last meal
To all apart of the grand master deal
To be the everything
And make you feel
But even I have things to lose
But before I lose you will chose
Am I the one you want to give your life
Or do you want to keep going
Give another good fight
I say go on fight for your life
And everyday ill wait by the moonlight
Waiting until the road you take is too tough
When you scream in sleep you had enough
Ill be here when the options to say I quit comes
I send a small prayer of my own to be answered by you
To see you real soon
When ever your feeling down and out
Whenever you feel that life is just not right
Ill be the one to say its ok
Hold my hands
Let me take the pain you have away
Give me something in return
So you have the world and more
This is such a simple exchange
Becoming something for nothing
that’s the name of this game
I will be here whenever you say
Whispering my name….please don’t say
I heard your heart long before your lips
Being so contrary
Being who you are
Please comes closer I’m not scary
We have much to discuss
Now this is the end tell me what I must
Contract……

Failed Lover

I am wrong when I say I am wrong
I do not believe in the power of second chances
So I have no right to ask for one
But in my wrong I see that leaving him alone is right
I have hurt him like all the others
Seeing him that way is the greatest guilt ever given
I have nothing to say
And yet I have so much confessing to do
But his ears will not allow me to do so
This all the things he has known
Has heard before
So hearing it from me would be no more than a broken record
Its not a song I would want to play on the record player
And yet it plays to him like a signal
I never expected to be so cruel to his feelings
I never imagine giving him to much of me
And I never understand my passions for this far away lust
But I guess my denial wasn’t strong enough
I was slowly fallen in love
Making plans to see him
As regular as possible
To not repeat anything from my past but it seems
I have not learned my lesson yet
It seems I have not taken up my cross
It seems I placed on the ground to continue to grow
Growing with more of my faults and consequences
If this continues than I guess it will be heavier
So heavy I can carry it
But this is something I can never escape from
So I must figure out a way to stop  its growth
But with him it continues to grow
All because I could not keep the promises made
All because I could have him closer to my heart
Closer to my body
I have not made it aware to myself that I am in love
I have not places a barrier around my heart anymore
All because he knocked it down
Long before the grout had time to dry
He placed his arms around me with the mind of caution
But I places my heart in his hands with carelessness
Its not fortunate that out paths have crossed
This is just something to let us know there is something wrong
Or maybe there is something right
That our talk can last thru the night
That our love has an existence
That with every breath we talk it assure that a future is there
But I will never know what this means
He is gone
And I am back being alone
Back to the status that never seems to leave my lips
I failed
I am…..single

Eternal Regret

It took me so long to build my fortune
Sometimes I prayed for something I could contain
And now that I have it….or maybe I should say had it
I had something that was nothing but trouble
I had something that was nothing from the beginning
But I believed that everything was open to be remade
But I am not the one to do such a thing
But in the end I did the opposite
I ruined him and now he is gone
He left me out in the cold where I belong
He did the thing I feared the most
He doesn't speak with me anymore
I have more than done my fair share of dumb things
But the one that trusted me has no announced his hurt towards me
And like a fool I ignored him like all the others
I placed him on the lowest pedestal when it should have been the highest
I pushed him away when he thought it was him
I played this far away game before
Swore to myself I would never do it again
And yet here I go again making the same mistakes again
This is the reason why I am alone
This is why the lonely world I dwell in remains lonely
I have so much to give but sometimes I can not contain
I regret having this large heart
But what man would put up with someone like
Coming and going all day long
I wish there was someone to keep me rooted
Someone to tell me its ok to stop
Don’t move away
Do make one move
But it seems like when I do
The moves are never in the direction that is him
So what can I do
Can you answer me this time…..

Deep.....Thoughtful Feelings

I am here and I thought of him
I have no answers for myself when it comes to him
He should be the one pursing me
And in the confines of my mind I feel I am at a road block
Where nothing seems to be real
This fantasy world where I must conquer
I feel lonely every time I play song
Now I depressed
I am nothing with his voice close to my ear
I have nothing without his rhymes to listen to
I want to say goodbye to something that I think I never said hello to
His touch I long for
His love I prayed for
His time spent is something that will always be cherished
And now I sit here wondering if everything I have done so far
Is just another break in my life
Did I say I wanted love to  lose it officially
Did I make such a story up to say I am losing the precious
I can I stop repeating the same chapter and make a new book
I have met incredible people in my life
And I see them grow
Now its my turn and I find myself stuck
No one knows the guidance of my heart but God
But I feel the Devil also doesn’t  have a clue about my whereabouts
Is it to this point I have not made amends
Do I need to heal more
Do I need to wake up and search again
Do I need to work on me
Or do I need to work others
But then I think of him and I have the feeling I have been working all along
And the results of my work is nothing
What have I gained from him
Other than the confession and declaration
A declaration that was to be made in person
And yet again verbal consent has been given
And my mind no longer accepts
I’m broken all over again
And there is nothing he can do
I can not mold him into what I want
He has to be where he needs to be already
I can stand by his side all day long
But the fight really does not beginning with me
It begins with him
The story continues

Painful Past Now Future Memories

For the first time that loneliness has finally set in
A feeling I have suppressed for so long has final come to see me
Like a figure stand outside my eye sight
Like something from a mystery series
I can not solve the pains of my life for the future
But the pains of my heart and soul are now one
I can not bury myself in the pains of nothingness
I have buried myself enough
The sand is heavy
The grains and large
And the hole is getting bigger and bigger
No amount of alcohol can cover the memory
No amount of drug can help me escape this tragedy
I have this loneliness clouding my judgment
Killing me from the inside
And slowly showing on the outside for the world to see
Everyday I ask my self  “ Am I asking for too much?”
Do I demand so much and still not satisfied because of the lack in return
Am I this distance memory from the worlds mind
Or am I just describing myself to a T
I have nothing more to report
I have nothing to say anymore
I feel my love is down
My soul is low
My mind is thoughtless
And as a whole…..I am withering
The purpose of me is to be supportive
But how can I be supportive when the one I love continuous to reject me
I have been through this before
He caved in
But at the cost of tears and count hours spent convincing
Convincing that the world is still a ok place to live in
That nothing would harm him if I was there
If he had something to say an ear would always be ready to listen
3 years later
He became my ultimate best friend
But in the end his love for me had pass
No!
My love for him ran out
I lost the power to continue
And now the regret that I rejected is facing me
I’m going thru it again like round 2
Something that no wants to save me from
I have the feeling that all I want is no more than a replica of what I need
If this is the case then why is it easy for me to accept compliments
I feel purposeless
Like nothing I do carries any meaning
I hate having this meaningless feeling
And yet its here
Buried in my heart and soul
Buried…Hiding…waiting
So much sadness….so much hurt…so much…Loneliness

My Deep "Why" Feelings

I feel distant
Like something that wants to take over cant
All because I feel this instant void
Something is always missing
I need someone I can confide in
Someone who will hold me with no questions ask
I need someone with the answers of silence
Something that breaches nothing but the cold cloud hovering
I need something that will put my restless soul to sleep
Give me the answer of time and contentment
And not so much the power of worry and fear
I go hard for him because I feel if I don’t I lose
Yet again this feeling plagues me
I have nothing to gain by having this feeling
And yet in this heart I have everything to lose
It is nothing but God or maybe its nothing but the Devil
Or maybe I should stop  blaming everyone
Start blaming myself
It isn’t easy to force myself to love
To know I am needed I can survive knowing my love is false
I can push myself in to things I hate
I can drive myself into his heart and attempt to rent there
Its not easy  being me
I am someone always yearning for something more
But even in my search for that something I get absent minded nothing
It shares no comparison to me
But it is me so I deny it freely
I harden myself so I can never have this feeling again
Can I love from a distance
Yes I can
Can I love continuously
Yes I can
But can I keep this lie inside my heart that I don’t want more
No I can not
I always want more
And him to want more from me
Not just the usual antic but also the abnormal ones
I want him to love constantly
Argue with me
Fight with me
Make up with me
Be strong with me
And be weak with me
Give me confidence
My armor and shield when I need help to fight
Be my lover, my comrade, my beloved soldier for life
But I want all of these things to come naturally
Not to come all because I said so
I want someone to be my equal and yet be my opposite
Why are these things so hard for me to get
Why…..?

Heart To Mind Conversation

Wow I didn’t know I had that with in me
I didn’t know I break something that was fragile in the first place
I didn’t know if the heart that was really that empty
I couldn’t imagine something like this was possible
But the options I gave myself I thought went away
But I guess without someone here telling me no
I went forth and became a repeat offender
I cant even say I’m sorry
Did so much shyt it was crazy
All because of one day I thought you abandon me
Now you say something that would make it better
And now nothing
I think I’m  being too irrational
Maybe I make decision to quickly
But some reason my body carries no remorse
It says there is nothing you can do
You have been doing this for far too long
Why are you going thru this again
Why are you wasting more time on fake relations
What is the purpose of pushing
Then the outcome is shady and pay off is nothing
You know better than to contribute so damn much
And you know better to not have a plan to fall back on
But the actions of my heart is now running this show
Mind say something must be done
We all can not keep going on living like this
We must give everything a chance
Not everything is meant to be rationalized
Sometimes you must jumping head first
But my mind says I like where I am
I don’t want you heart to be hurt
You’ve been so many times
So why not stick to what we all know
Give yourself time to heal
Your rushing
Take some more time
My heart say I’ve had all the time to rest
Thank you for giving me that
Its time for us to be a full entity
We must unity and see
If this love is worth everything
Trust is nothing compared to forgiveness
So lets forgive
Lets behave
Please?
My mind say…………..Fine

Cheaters

Being biases to the hurt
I’m sorry baby but I cheated first
I gave my voice to another man
Placed my body in his hands
Made other unnecessary plans
Made the bed that I plan to lay him in
Made the CD that will be in the background singing
Took care of everything
Doing entirely too much scheming
And within me is a voice saying no
There is someone waiting for you
Someone to call your house a home
But the house remains house
Cant build something just by being word a mouf
I been there before  and I’m comfortable
Being so wild in free
Still having the power to do me
Been a while since I was locked down
Found a man that’s worthy
Had everyone wondering and worried about me
Why I made so many changes for a specific man
Why this guy wants to hold my hand
Why this man wants to give me everything
Why I’m at the store picking out promise rings
But all of this is only hear say
Cause I’m this bed with another saying take it me baby
Why the action couldn’t be so clear now look at me
Giving this other man  my new mans thrills
It kills
Yes I know to see your woman go down on the low
Telling you everything is cool
All the while doing the things I do
It probably will never been seen by you
The regulars that come wonder if the pussy I have is thru
Wonder if I have locked it down for life
Thinking maybe she cant handle the coupled married life
It’s a lot easy being alone
But being alone carried so many perks
I can come home and secretly put in work
Then get up later and go to work
You see how can you live with someone like me
This person who is impartial to waiting
Its only fair you get the truth
Knowing if we didn’t make it
I have another man waiting 30 minutes away from you
Its wrong I know to be so mean
But the player really never changes the game
All we do is just improvise with it
So this is really bitter sweet
Cheaters National Anthem
Ain’t this some shyt…..lol

His Rising Wife....My Stand

I miss him  like the rain
Washing me every night with his words
Calming my mind to sleep easy
Making my heart full
And thinking about his lips to one day caress mine
Making him the honest man he says he can be
Having him next to me holding my hips
Telling me that I am his while kissing my neck
Touching me like I was his soul mate
Making my heart race with every breath he takes
I want him to understand daily I am here
But the day I enter his world
He may back way
I can pull him near
Not suffocate him
Placing my heart in his hands is not very easy
But igniting a flame that has died is also not easy
I pray for him more than I pray for myself
I pray his rain falls on me
I want him to Stand By Me by Ben E King
I want him to understand that we are strong when one is weak
The constant reminder that love conquers
Gives the best idea that we have a purpose
To see him where he is
And noticing he was where I was years ago
Lets me know that he can make it thru anything
That the pain he has endured
The personal destroying on his soul can be all be rebuilt
I am here
And I will stand by him until he grows tried of me
Noting in this world we make me happy
In to name our first
2 or 3
Never have to worry about killing
Even if we resulted in adopting
I'm here
Still Standing

Wishes, Pains and the Next

I cant stop from crying
And all because I heard a song
Amanda Perez - Angel
I don’t know where you are
I don’t know has happen to you
I don’t want this feeling anymore
I wish I could curse you out again
I wish I listen to sleep again
I wish I could hear you rhymes to me
Why does this hurt so much
I wanted you just as much as you wanted me
But I could not show something far away again
I wanted to be close to you
Hold you
Tell you how I felt no longer over the  phone
Be there on the 12th
Kiss and say Happy Anniversary
I wanted so much for you and from you
I did not realize I was pushing you away
It was my fault
It was the pain in my heart that hardened us
I regret this pain so much
I wanted this to our song
Toni Tony Tone -  Anniversary
But now that day will never come
Now I have no clue what future lies for you
I don’t know if your breathing
If the words you have written in your books will placed on CD
If the world will hear so soul speak and change
I don’t know anything
But as I sit and write
Listening to a song that could have been ours
I cry
I cry slightly
For you always told me you wanted to bare my cross
But you wouldn't allow me to bare yours
So as a man you said you were
I left you be
I stayed in my place as a woman
And in this placed I will be
I will be that woman
Strong for the next man that claims me
Worthy to called wife
Worthy to be claimed
All because you gave me your trust
I will never forsaken it with the next
I will keep my values and the lessons you have taught me
As harsh as they might be
I will remain trustworthy
Always…….

You Abandoned Me….

Written Just for you by Me

How could you abandon me
How could you say don’t leave me
When over all its you that didn't really want me
I asked nothing but the essentials
Things that would help to make you better
That one day it would make us better
But now I hear nothing from you
I hear nothing from and your mother too
You have placed me in a world of darkness’
Something is all too familiar to you
Is this what you wanted
Me to understand the world you live in
Something that makes sense to you alone
Something that was not able to be explained
So you showed me better than you could tell me
I remained positive but you wanted me to see the negative
You wanted me to see thru your eyes the hurt that befallen you
And now that you abandon me I now understand
This is the mind frame you left me in
The anger you have chosen to give me
The hate that you have you now have shared
And you have no intentions on taking it back
I hate you now and forever more for what you done
And you wont even tell me if the way I am feeling is wrong
You would feel comfortable in knowing that you left me this way
You would laugh hard knowing that someone that could have loved you
Was feeling pain and hatred for you
Something that was all too familiar to you
Was this your game from the start
To see if you still had it
If you could pull any female you wanted
To see if you never lost your touch
Now you know
You hurt me
You added me to the long list of people that hurt you
I hate what you have done to me
The one that fit me completely
I HATE YOU FOR ALL OF THESE FEELINGS
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU
And you probably will never say your sorry
Or anything I’m feeling is false
You wont come to my hearts rescue
YOU WONT DO ANYTHING TO EASE MY PAIN
OR TO SAVE ME FROM MY HURT AND PAIN
Your probably going to sit back and see my name
Delete this without reading it
So my words wont phase you from any of your future goals
But this will be my constant reminder
One I should have stayed true to
Never to waste my incoming love on worthless pretenses
Thank you for the harsh lesson
You were most enlightening
I’m done……

Final Vent P4.…All I Can Do

I did what I had to
I remained in my place which is woman
Why wasn't that enough for him
Why wants having him in my life capable
What was the purpose of him finding me
If his stay with me was short lived
I can ask all of this but now I know I will never have the answers
It is not something I take lightly
But this is something I have to accept
Another has left me without a word
Nothing to seal the deal
Nothing to revival in thought
I could have cherished him Until I died
I could have done so much for him
But nothing seem to work
From the encouraging him to say I love you to him
Even though he knew how I felt about it saying
I was willing to compromise something I was against
All of this just to reassure him that everything was ok
All of this to see another day
Having another opportunity to hear him
I wonder how will this feeling will last
This depressing ass feeling that my heart is creating
I don’t feel bothered whatsoever
I hold him to such high standards
But he shoots them down like nothing
Ill be ok….soon
I will make it thru this feeling
I just wish he would just tell me
I’m finish

Erasing Him……Vent P3

Baby where you at -  Joe ft Papoose
This is what I have decided to play
Why?
It makes me wonder hard where is he
I wonder if he is a live
Is he dead
Did someone from his past come to collect his soul
Or did a woman some to replenish his heart
All these question I wonder hard
I want to know nothing else but his well being
I don’t know anything other than this
I pray so hard but I feel they are falling on deaf ears
So I go thru my phone erasing everything that has to do with him
We only have memories that one day will fade
I said I would say I love on the phone
I express myself only in per4son
I wanted him to understand my fully
I wanted to tell him I’m sorry daily
Why I had the opportunity to please
The reason on why he is for me
My regrets on knowing him has not set in
I wanted to play a role so much for him
I wanted to play a spot that he placed for me
 But now it seems he has left me no words spoken
Nothing left to say
I can only fight what’s in front me
I can only do what is needed to make me happy
which come to find out was him
Like a drug addict he was my fix
But now I much go to AA
I must recover from this addiction
I took everything that meant so much to me
I took everything reminded me of him and cast it out
How can you leave me with not a single word
Prove me wrong that the way I’m feeling is nonsense
Be a man and tell me that I no longer the reason you love
Tell me that the friend we were build was for nothing
Curse and say that I am not the one for you
All I ask is that you tell me
Let the voice that brought me so much comfort be my demise
Let the sounds of  your rhymes be my final ending
At least you owe me that
But now I can even get that
This is the reason why its so hard for me to breathe
But now I know what I must do
I must ease you as if you never existed
Take what I have left and cherish it
I must continue with my life
But I will keep in mind when I come thru
But by then you know me
And by then I wont know the new you
I wanted……I want nothing any more
So now I can stop the tears from  flowing
I can wash my pillow of the salty aftermath
Cater back to the way I use to be
Breathing
Exhale…….

My Failing Attempt…..Vent P2

So many words I want to say
So much on my mind I want him to hear
But he days of him hearing me are over
The best friend I lost
The soul mate I could have gained
Something about him made my world go round
Something that made the sun bow down
And the moon come closer
Something that grow into the powerful notion
How I wish he would answer me
But his voice in mind is fading
Is this what he really wanted
Even if his mama said stop calling my son
I would understand
As I listen to this song Case - Happily Ever After
I know that this could never be
Even if all these feelings that course thru my veins are wrong
I have to remain strong
This is something I must be
Having him would a joy all by itself
But having him is not enough
I wanted us to grow and be mature adults
Have a child we could call our own
Make our child understand that this world can be so cruel
But as our child look at his/her parents
He/she would see that everything is ok
That there is a brighter future
And love is possible
But now that child will never be conceived
Now that one that carried the other half of life is not here
I can vent until the tears on my face run dry
But the river flows like nothing I have ever felt
Seeing him would have been the beginning
Being with him would have been a wish come true
Laying next to him would have been a dream come true
And making love to him would have been a fantasy
But now I have to live with this nightmare
The nightmare that started days ago
Not having his voice not to my ear
Hearing him snore over and again
Being hard for him was not hard
Being strong for him was not never difficult
But encouraging him was the hardest thing I have ever had to do
I felt as if my heart was being tested on every call
That nothing was enough
It never seemed right
It was never enough
Or in his mind that it was no more than a broken record
I feel as if someone told me to fight an already lost battle
A battle I was determine to win
But again he lost me
Something he said he would never do
All I can do is breathe
Inhale…..

My Failed Attempt…..Vent..P1

Tough is what he has to be
Dreams is what he wants to fulfill
Other than the nightmares that creep up on him
I can honestly present everything
Yet in his mind I have given nothing
I pray one time and the devil heard me
Found a way to ruin us extremely
But his mind remained on family
My mind remain on money
We seemed like a power couple
Something that turn into some greatly
Like the power couple Beyonce and Jay-Z
But in the end he found something else more appealing
Something that was not me
We communicated up until 3 days ago
And now that one I considered to be my future baby daddy
Is not walking alone or maybe with somebody
I can not see myself with him
But then I couldn't see myself without
So I decided to have my cake and eat it too
I made him a friend but what I got was a foe
Someone who fit my soul like a glove
But like a criminal he got away
Found other ways to avoid me
Not answering, not trusting
So now I sit him listening to Gangstas Paradise
Thinking about him
I write my feelings out
Trying my best to be precise
But even the ways I sleep at night is no longer right
He has done something to me that is so familiar
Thought I killed that feeling
But it seems even the Devil gets his perks
Fucking with my heart making it hurt
I would cry for him
I would smile for him
I lay another down for him
I would walk thru the depths of hell to recover his soul for him
But now I cant see myself do anything for him
Why…..?
Cause he wouldn't let me
He told over and over about the past treason
Why other abused him
His eyes are black
His soul is dark
But voice his strong
And his rhymes are tight
But when it came down to love he was weak
I ask for a friend he abandoned me
I asked for a life long companion he stopped listening
So what do I do with me
Just breathe……
Exhale

Worthy....Knowledgeable....Me

I understand my path sometimes
It never happens the way I want it
It never pans out
In the end its all for my good
I have offered more than just my body
I have offered more than just my mind
I offer a package that many can  not come up with
I have the understanding of 30 year old
I have the wisdom of  a 60 year old 
And the no bullshyt taking of a 40 or 50 year old
Having this much knowledge in one young individual
Makes me love life even more
But with all this knowledge it makes me even lonelier
Seeing everyone in my life from family to friends
In relationships that I one day want to comprehend is sickening
I know my worth
I know how my life is turning whenever someone comes around
Love is there but life is now
I have to do me to the fullest
And when ever the love of my soul presents his self
At that time I would have completed the first stages of life
But I am not in a rush
I'm still young and still have much to learn
Always Learning

Sorrows of The Heart

I've done the waiting game on the phone before
I've done the worry as I sit back against my pillows
I've done the crying on my pillow at night
I've done the drinking the pain away
Crying wishing he would stay
Think bout the pain that came about
And wonder if love will ever love me back someday
Seen all that I have done
It makes me wonder
I am doing the right things or even the right choices
I loved them I swear I did
I wanted to make it work I swear
I love from a distance
I loved them as if they were close
I poured all my essential
From love down to trust
But the end something always go a rye
Like nothing is easy for the openhearted
Like the pain of the distance heart fades over time
And I pray for them
They remain happy after me
They grown into love beyond me
And with that prayer they leave
They come to me rebuild what was broken
And after to me they leave
I swear God uses me as a messenger of Love
But as a curse the Devil has placed
Its not fair how things play out
Its not fair how everything goes against me
But it seems I am growing
I still have not harden my heart
Because I know this fact I drive on
My time may not be now but I know its coming
Something that is waiting
I pray not for a man but for a compatible companion
God will bless me with such a man
Someone who truly understands
Someone who is not just my lover
But also my best friend
Who will stand with me thru thick and thin
Someone to be consider my beginning and my end