Bitter Sweet Death

Death is only the beginning

For something is always the ending or something could have been avoided

But in everything that happens

Reason are never given

And I wonder and fear for the love of my life

I can see myself without this soul mate

He will probably never stand why I am the way I am

He probably will never really grant me full access to his heart

So what do I do?

As a persona he is claiming to be his future wife

To a life that I am not afraid to enter

But to the time we have spent I cherish

But to the days he returns to a life I can not follow it makes me wonder

I have done enough

I can say so much

Do so much

To only visit him to go to his funeral

Something I can say I have not done before

But to my lifelong partner

So to be lover

I cannot see myself losing him like so many others

I struggle with these thoughts of what he tells me

And I can place my heart with something that I permanently

I sit and cry with stinging in my eyes and yet for him tears do not fall

I have never laid a man down

Neither do I crawl in the face of death

But for him I would not rest

Until the ones in cause of his death were laid to rest

But I think about what he would think of me then

Would he be that shadow saying don’t do this for me

Remember all of how precious memories

Don’t do something out of hate

But stay positive and tell your story to anyone who can relate

How many ways I have faced

How many times I said I love you and prayed over their deaths

I am bitter

Something that will never leave me

And something that will constantly be grieve

But for him I will remain as humble as I can be for something tells me

He is the one for me

I just wish with full maturity he could see

That life with him means nothing for me

*sigh*..................here I go again