The American Courtesan

Quote: "Its that time again. Its time for me to prepare for him and do the usual. He has been going through allot this month. But the only thing is he..."

Thursday Morning...routine as usual

I wake up to a text of initiation

For a brief moment a smile crosses my face

For three hours I wait for a knock

A clubhouse secret knock that signals a new experience

So I get ready for the visit

The timing is exact

No one is late

No stalls are present

I take a shower, brush my teeth and place some clothes on

I take the time to groom everything properly

But the same feeling comes to at the last hour

Its a feeling that never fails

The feel of this experience is wrong

That every encounter will cost me one day

And my last thought a knock is made

The experience begins

I am greeted the same way

I am hugged the same way

The same questions are asked but sometime avoided

This small talk does nothing for the final act

So we get down to business

He leads me as always to a domain that's suppose to be. Mine

A place of peace becomes his peace my chaos

Slowly I take my place as his dominating factor

Fulfilling fantasies and making movements of pleasure

For a few mere hours always three we are in gulped into each other

His phone sounds every time for the end

The end of the experience

The chimes that say he has spent the right amount of time

So we stop

Regardless if either one of us finish

My objective is to make sure he is satisfied at least

I watch him as he collects his clothes

Walks to the bathroom

Washes up

Uses his red towel

His favorite face wash

He walks towards me to

Laying here naked

Kisses my forehead, neck then breast

Ask me to walk him to the door in all of my nakedness

Kisses my cheek all in silence

Then I'm alone again

This routine has been going on for three years now

He swears that at some point it will end

But it hasn't

I wanted it to end but he says seeing me alone is hard

Seeing me not alone is even harder

He does not say I am the best he has ever had

But I am enough and that should make me glad

So I sit in this tub washing away the feeling I fight

Thinking about who he returns to

He comes to me in the morning sunlight

This is all before kissing the love of his life

I am the mistress but she is the wife

And I do not complain

A place and name I have been conditioned to

So I wait another month until I receive another text

Life goes on without a hitch

No arguments...no pitch

This is the role of a American Courtesan

Woman's Chronicles: Intermission

The first half of this chronicle is to introduce my readers to the world that I see almost daily. People who see the things I see and do nothing really do piss me off. So as always I write down my feelings about the things I see and what phases me everyday. So please take your time and read the first half because the next half will be dedicated to me entirely. Also I am writing this to show the world that no one sees or even refuses to look into issues of today. In my life, I have encountered so many different people, situations, problems/issues and ask myself why were they brought to me. I asked my self that question so much to where I quit asking and allowed it to just happen. Each of these poems carry a recent issue that at one point or another was brought to me or I have seen and made me unease. I write out my feelings and emotions often so others could understand that there is someone out there that do understand. I have seen teenager who swear death is the final answer, husbands and wives split apart over things that a small sit down could uncover and even my past sometimes comes back to reteach me a lesson so I would not forget any causes or effects. So please take the words of these poems as myself maturing further into not just my age but also life itself. Happy reading...

Thank you for reading,

MUAH



His Ultimate Find

Quote: "Don't you remember when we use to laugh, joke and sometimes...ok all the time cuss each other out? Do you ever miss what we use to have?"

He bore a past unprecedented to many

He carried a load that no human should bare

He honored nothing but the power of a dollar

Carried his friend Chester on his hip hourly

Then he found a spark

A simple thing as a miss dialed number

A voice unheard of

A one minute conversation starting with I'm sorry

Continued a 3 year relationship in his life as unheard of

His rocky built slowly went to the sands

Open and wide range he was in love

He pronounced his self the way a husband courtships a wife

He took the necessary steps to make a way

To blend away the roughness of his mind to her soft open notions

He never took Chester from his side

He never forgot the value of a dollar

But in his journey for her found somethings out

He found that she was independent

Patient to many who comes around

She had the mind of a player but been placed her cards down

She could play the game even with loss

And if any would not stop her goals

He found out she didn't mind getting dirty

She was not a girly girl

He did not have to be fake or put on a second life

He noticed her ears before her lips

Speaking to him she was full of fire

Aggressive and submissive to a point it was stand able

He carried this feeling deep in his heart so no one could use it against him

Open to tell no one about his new found gift

He reshaped his mind to her but never forgot where he came from

He found out that if he did not speak to her for a week

She would find ways to keep tabs

To the enemies in his life that had to spy

She just called the house

He laughed when he reconnected with her

To the new found info that he did not give her

She was his bird in the sky constantly watching his back

But to some good things they came to an end

They slowly went to a level of comfort

Friendship...

But everyday he ask her

The things that were said could they ever get it back

And she reply always was yes

He smiles constantly when he calls or text

When things don't work he could maintain and not flex

Cause he has his angel...the first of none discovered

Her Skool Blues

Quote "If I could see her face one more time, I would tell her everything I couldn't now. I would finally tell her the day I saw her cry I wanted to catch her tears...but I guess I can't now can I..."

There she is

And here I am

Looking at her with love but fear

A fear of judge from my peers

I wanted to speak everyday

Even when I saw the scar across her face

I wanted to heal her wombs with my heart's medicine

I wanted to open the door for her when others held it tight

Overtime she grew dark and cold

Her body covered in black

Lips faded to blue

Skin faded to white

She screamed for attention but received none

Hi my name...is how I greeted her

Leave me alone...is how she greeted me

I couldn't blame her for her reaction

I was once a peer that despised her so

Until I saw the wombs of her mortal soul

Someone who shed tears of life

That continued to fight

A battle continued on for years

Even more amongst her Senior peers

I joined a crowd to fit in and made it

She joined a crowd and was easily mistaken

So now I see her in a new light

But everything came all at once over night

She presented herself to God in the most horrifying way

To the skies she flew

To the moonlight sounds of the band

The crowd massive for a certain plan

She took center stage and made a place

To the sky she opened her arms

And to the mother earth she returned

Eyes facing opposite of her shine turn to watch her fly

To the eyes that bore tears of pain now spread as she goes

Screams sweep the skies

To her it was an applause

To me it felt as if it was a tragic cause

Preventable but now as a pause

So now I stand here before her grave

Saying all the things I wish I could have said

But a coward I saved

So I kneel with a blade in my hand

For the punishment of my sane

I am slain

All in her name

Love, Life...Gone

Quote: " He said he loved me. He didn't care about my flaws or my past but when I told him that I was sick for almost a week he stop calling and coming around. I didn't know he knew more than me and much faster than me about what was wrong...I did not think this would ever happen to me..."

He loved me

He swore by the moon like a part in Shakespeare

He complimented me like an angel chosen by God

He was my everything

My sun, moon and jealous stars

I loved him hard with everything within me

And he knew from the start I was his

There was no denie in my voice

There was no hesitation caught into my throat

He had the power to yield me when I was head strong

The love so strong to control my urges

In his eyes I was queen

But the sickness in me turned me into a jester

I remained this thing for him

But the new thing made me look old to him

I couldn't under how my life would change

Even more could not understand his willingness to change

I could have sworn we were thick as thieves

Until the responsibilities of permanent actions were conceived

6 weeks in I was still naive until someone ask me

How far long are you and your husband to be

I was not sure of such a question til a test gave me an answer

My joyous approach to see such a sight

To be shot down by the love my life

I had no idea the love I gave

Would disappear, deprive and depraved

I would have never thought to see myself as a single mother

To a man with so much love

To leave me kicking, yelling, and one big shove

I fell to a deep sleep

To wake in a white room and something missing

I lost the love of my life

I lost the man that months before wanted me as his wife

I lost the courage to proceed

Until this white jacket, walking into this white room said I lost my seed

This shallow empty whole buried so deep

One push and all was over for me

I didn't think this lover mine could be so cold

But I was told he had done it before

My eyes filled with tears non-stop

Turning to the side telling everyone to get out

I once was a girl who was being trained into a wife

From being a mother to widower of life

How can I look at men the same

To a man that gave me life, took life

I feel so ashamed...