What He Wants

We did not say we would get back together

He did not accept me back verbally

We shared an old memory

We put some negative things aside

Tried something that was familiar 

Gave ourselves a way in but not a way out

We make it difficult whenspeak

We make it easier when we are apart

I wonder would he allow me to move on to another

Would he say I can go to whoever I please

Would he let the feeling I have go to someone else

Would he allow me to be filled by another

Would this soothe his life

To see me hung someone else

Would this make him happy

Would this protect his hard life he's accepted

Can this be what he wanted from me

For me

I wonder 

Trusting Actions vs Final Consequence

Sometimes you need real people around you

Always got motha fuckas testifying against you

Saying he did it

I saw with my eyes

Even though they weren't around

Singing jail bird songs starting with the word lie

Got paid for the info with a plea

Saying they can't be touch cause the cops are watching me

Treating these corrupt fools like they were God

And like the faith they hold

They came down and made they body cold

Now the innocence is locked up 

Completely out the way

All so they can push around more weight

Cant tell dealing with the survival of the street

When the street ain't the problem 

It's the fuckin judicial court system

They lock you up

But don't toss the key

But slide it on a 5 to 10, 10 to life key ring

You see

You go away for a very long time

Then you get out and say your making a new way

But the cards has been dealt at minimum wage

And now the family you thought you had to provide

Is being provided by another guy

The husband that you once new

Is sailing the waves with his new boo

But you think the decision you made was helping

But to the average and the famous you just slacking

The wasted piece of talent

Brought nothing but shame

Now you living in the care of a dead world

Can't find diamonds or pearls

In a dark world lined with copper and lead

So in the end you for the money to buy a gun

So you say you can't make in this world then ok

So you lay three rounds in your arm, chest and head

The arm so you can remember the pain

The chest to makes sure no one can resuscitate you again

And the head so everyone can understand

This is not the life of someone who can beginning again

So the moral of this story is simple

Your bad decisions today with fuck you over

Tomorrow 

His Nothing vs My Something

Sway back and forth

Remember in a ways we have nothing done

Doesn't sound like something

But his thoughtless mind makes it effortless

He drove me insane by his nothingness

He catered to my Instruments with prescion 

He covered the bottom of me with tenderness

Passing the time with a teasing effects

Passing the hands God gave to tame a wild horse

Somedays he allows me to run free

Saying small things like have you tried this before 

He has so much to break on me

He doesn't quit until I have reach his level of nothingness

He grabs the something

Squeezes the something and inhale without thought

He drives me to a point of insanity

Craving the gulp

Pressing the mold

Salvage nothing

Uses everything 

What can I do but give what I have up

I can't hold on much longer

He said don't fear me

Hurt the bridges 

Rebuilding the foundation

Carrying everything but a common sense

He destroys everything

He doesn't look for a reason

He came

He did

He stayed

He remade

Now he says I can't to anywhere

To be honest I don't want to

He delievers me

And sends me to a breaking point

I can't hold on much longer

I....I....I.....(no words)

.........the end of me

The Street Wife vs The Incoming

I'm jus a mistress to him you see

His one tru wife her name is streets 

It's not fair how she creeping on my time

Followed by call after call dry ass bad timing

I'm use to him sleeping here with me

Sleeping in the wet like it was meant to be

But when she calls

He is up and out the door

I wonder will I ever see him anymore

It's bad enough I can't defeat family 

Even worse when her ass get the calling 

It's not my place to say baby please stay 

I'm afraid everyday he might lose his way

All because drake came on

Now I hate another artist because of a fucking ringtone 

He ask me why I look the way I do 

It's because it's a repeat of something I already knew

I know my place when she stand her ground 

That was there before me so in her is where he's found

I can't fight who was there before me

I'm jus another chick stepping in another bitches territory

You ask how I feel bout you 

And when I think bout what I have gone thru

I can't even tell you

The love for a thug don't come with happy memories 

Even the one that waste away by a semi or a gauge 

It's bad enough I'm writing all this down

If I say it out loud I jus might drown

Got me shaking like I'm strung on crack 

Missing my drug like a old drug addict 

Someone that makes me feel so good 

Represents hard for his hood

All to some of the rules I understood. 

All the way down to the thief 

Even straight down to honor in death 

It's not fair to look at this bitch so mild

To say over his grave I'm carrying your child

A boy, a girl ....one maybe 2

I'm done... I'm thru

Next episode..............

Inside Truth: Exhausted Lovers

We are angry at each other

We can't keep it civil even in our on home

He is always disappearing

I'm always leaving 

Neither on of us has a clue

I can't have him in my life because of this anger

I feel he shares his love with another

I am finding myself

So why did this happen

I can tell you

We are exhausted lovers

That is all.....

No More Options/Protecting My Innocence

I didn't mean for this to happen

I didn't know the decision I made that day

I mean I had no choice

He didn't give me any more options

It was either him or me

So I chose him

But then in the end he still had me

I wanted to get out

I wanted to be free from all the bullshyt he was creating 

I couldn't escape on my own

He had me cornered

I had to figure something out

By the opportunity I wish was something else

Did it really have to end this way

Did I really have no choice but to do this 

What I was facing was compared to worser action

But everyday was getting harder

Baring innocence in a world of sin

He didn't want nothing else from me

He told me I was nothing but a tool

Something he could only use

I made myself believe something could change

But my eyes were no longer opening

He made sure with my mistakes they stayed closed

I watched my innocence sleep

Prayed to God to deliver me

But in the end the Devil heard me

Sent him again and again to me

Constantly giving me suicidal solutions

But what about my innocence

I could not breathe

I had to leave but not without my one faith

So I made the option possible

I have myself my final out

I finally took him up on his option 

Him or me

No I choose my innocence 

Now all we see is dark deep red

Running thru the pitch black

Free for a while til caught up

But for now I'm just hung up

One less evil

Can you tell me I'm wrong

Tell me on the phone

With my hand on this glass

Tell me I'm wrong for getting rid of his sorry ass

Tell me you wouldn't of took my path 

Until then I'll just laugh

Finish out my time

5 to 10 is not bad

To someone who always raised his hand

Tell me did you find his hands

I have no regrets

All for me and my innocence 

I'm done 

Lover's Blues

He made it a constant reminder that he loved me

The blues came he sworn that it's the right feeling

He said that love was built on strength

Sometimes it's built on power

That both is what was inside him

But everyday I was getting the rural side of it all

I felt that his power was way to strong

That everyday could be my last

Nothing he said was giving me strength

 But he made it clear that his was the only one that matter

That our paths would always stay on course

This was permanent

His made me feel so wrong

Our outlasting times no longer seem forever

The long exhausting days

The constant fights at night

I felt like I was on a battle field 

Setup for failure from the very beginning 

Understood that I had many loses 

It's no fair I had failed attempts in this union 

That his love was not a love I could respond to

That every single moment staying

Was another lock being added

Another key to add to his ring

This ring

That perfect sign for him of ownership

It shouldn't be called a ring but a leash

One that for so long I have nawled on

I want to be free of this

But my opinions are no where needed

So I see I must love

Then in Iwould find away

Back to where my heart can rebuild

But where I do not know

Solemn to an iron fist

Bosses by a how and promise

This is all I can think about

This is my sorrowful life

The life of mo heart

Abandon hope all who enters and do not pray

For this is my reward and curse

To be in a life

Destroyed by my first

God help me

 

Let Freedom Sing

Freedom

Powerful honesty 

The time it took to say yes 

I wanted to hear no

Now I'm free

Free to move and make waves

Open the doors I always thought were locked

Breaking rules that seem so strict

I regain that small part

I feel so free

Open to myself

Playing no game

Bared by the was and could have happen

Resting for the first time 

Feeling the piece

Looking not into the past

But learning that my future has curves

Learning that always with a small reason 

Big outcomes rise

Simplifying me is getting harder

But it's a test I'm not afraid to take 

I have open so much

Watched so much

Prayed

And now the calm has come

My storm has passed

And now I can breathe again 

Singing a small song in my mind

United by the beats in my heart

Always singing a sad love song

Now blasting a sound of retribution 

This is a lovely encounter 

I Am happy with just me

I welcome my contentment

Can you hear it

The sounds of peace 

The Finalist.....It's Over Now

It's said and done

There is no more fun between him and me

There is nothing more than a regular relationship

Working round a empty society 

Now in another number

Missing the real but now like I said

It's said and done

Not trying to go crazy

Not trying to see the light

But watching him from a distance

Got me feeling rage out my mind

Seeing him already smiling

While inside he'll never know apart of me had died

He'll never understand how I went the pain

Sitting in a white room wait for a sign

That the him or her world be fine

Then I hear once again that love created had passed

The same time I left it left

So coming back to a empty life

Waiting to be comfort by somebody with some fight

Only was shot down by the silence

I was in now I'm out

I was whole but now I'm empty twice

Now the purpose I was getting is now missing

But so this other said I'm done seeing the tears flow

Will you come to me and say your ready to go

But I see the next opportunity and see maybe

Wonder how would he feel if  the roles had change

If I took life from him in secret

Took the encounter to my grave

Stayed quiet and didn't speak

Saw nothing but myself and money

Drove myself crazy saying no one loves me

What kinda motha fucka would I be 

Just another average nigga still preaching average nigga shyt 

Now I'm criing 

And bitch you not trying 

All the while I was losing our piece history

You was messing around chasing other mysterys

So I sweat blood

I cried....yea me I cried

The feeling I had has died

And all I can say is

Are you happy now?

Was what you put in your heart worth losing everything in mine?

Can you really forget every single thing we shared?

Can you look me in the eyes and say I was just another phase?

Sad enough I gott that answer today

He said.....he said...(tears)

Yes....(waterfalls)

Our Very First Show

He is fresh

Brand nu

Someone to adjust the hurt bestowed by another

We are trying something different

Listening to the motions 

We learning to be apart but can't help but knock

Singing the songs that our bodies produce

He enters and with little to say

His touch screams so much passion

Slaping his leg every time he is ready

Telling me to have a sit

My own personal Santa

Touching my legs

Caressing me gently

Praising the fact my eyes are mysterious to him

He ask me to stand

Turn around like a model

Tells me to stop

His hands glide down

From the top of my back

To the center

Slowly coming close to the sweets he yearns for 

He shines bright as the moon looks in envy

He touches my hips with a poetic motion

He gives my body a sway 

Like his hands created a beat made just for me

I slowly step forward

Inticed by his gestures he refuses to let me return the favor

So I make a move on my own

Stare at his face that remains level with my waist

I kneel down between his legs and wait until he invites me

I wait for permission to greet him sensibly 

Then he raises my head slightly with his hand

Whispers nothing

His eyes slowly gives me direction

He leans back

Signals to me to come forward 

Like his new found love lost in a land of lust I come

Gliding my hands across his jeans

Closer to his chest 

I smell his colgne

Nostalgic is it to my senses

I want it to rub off all over me

He felt me wanting him

Taking my hands off track any chance he could

Fustrated with his games

I climb on top of him

His hands remain flat

As I sit on top of him I feel it rising

He could not refuse his feeling

He wanted it like I did

I whispered to him I want to do something

Something I have never done before

Something my body could never understand but feel

And his reply 

Til the next episode

Lmao

That Faithful Plea

Do you feel this way

Do think the world is against you

Do you have a feeling that nothing is right 

Even when you know you've been good

Like the devil has a great sense of humor in messing with his former owners child

This is something that plagues my heart mind and body

I find myself drowning in a wealth of despair and no where to cash out

A debt that seems never ending

Some things that has been done by past generations

Now plagues my life today

What am I rambling about today

Life....

Until we are all called home

The life decisions are constantly being made

With and without our permission 

How often do we wish we can turn back the hands of time

How many times the awful happens and we live in regret because of it 

People dwell so much in their past to where the future seems almost now existent

Singing another sad love song

Playing the same play over and over

Seeing the same crime committed over and over

And we stand still like the result will change

But over time we see it and nothing changes

Or the most has happen and slowly we are over whelmed with doubt

That the more we move the more destruction comes

We have the power to change our outcomes

But the more we do and negativity comes we doubt more

Promise broken

Lives torn

And no one will stand and take responsibility 

What can I say to such a cruel world

Hi, my name is ________________

I am here on behalf of faith

Keep me and watch your life change 

Keep me and see the path that you walk change

Keep me and see the enemies that sit at your table stand

I am here for use 

I am here for you as an instrument

Keeping me will be a great treasure 

And honoring me will give you strength

Will you come to me

Will you now accept me

Will you please give me a single try

It is said

Once you have done all you can 

With my help

Stand.......

The Final Chapter.... Heat End

This is forever

This is where we start

Making an option to begin again

We bagan on a stormy night

And we ended on a heated evening

Nothing seem to be correct

But the more silence that nuzzled in

The more we became distant 

I said nothing more than simple greetings

He literally said nothing

We came to a small conclusion

We're to the way we began where nothing was in stone

You didn't know I existed

I thought you were no one to associate with

It became very clear the moves we made

That all of our passion had disappeared 

This is the path that is chosen on purpose 

Or was this by accident

There are so many ways to be sure

But now I must remain where I'm placed

No longer in a heart that at first wanted to house me

No longer being close looking always from a distance

No more this no more that

No more of our competition like ways

This is all in the past

Left to chance of reminiscing memories

The more I think about it the more I no longer wonder about his well being

He must be content with this like I am starting to

We can't make this last

We can't open any more doors

Maybe this is how it is suppose to be

Separate and now totally divided

Interesting how history repeats itself

So to the same results

Back on my grind 

The Hurtful Him

The feeling I thought was gone is still alive

I don't mind the pain

The constant sight

The way things use to be

It's not easy but time will heal

Heal the hurt placed

Give the mind time to release anger

It's not easy to place blame without reason 

It's not easy to say I not will speak

I won't accept him

But over and over I wish he would see me

Fading to nothing by someone who says nothing

It's not fair to go without words

But this is his choice and my forced decision

I've said constantly I hate you 

And now all I can say is I regret you

Someone who can just walk away without a reason

Say there words are real without proof

So I make my own conclusion 

I must leave the hurt at the door

I must return to the life I once knew

Be able to cry the last tears of heartache

It will get easier 

But I must do this

This burning desire for the truth

This nothingness he left behind

This dark whole that grows everyday he is so damn profound I cant live

I feel like crying over someone that verbally said don't go 

But has not spoken a word since then

Tears fall liked a waterfall 

No one to catch them or to say its ok

No words but a stare 

I feel impaired 

Angry doesn't describe how I'm feeling 

And the tears start to fall

All because of my lust over a fallen angel

Promise not kept 

Nothing to hold or stand behind

He said stay so now I must go

No trust

No life

No love

How cruel but he wouldn't be him if he didn't 

Someone that didn't know he had a jewel

But still window shopped

I'm done..........

No One....Alone....The Results

He came like a thief in the night

Thinking the world is against

How he would pray everynight 

But nothing could save him from the truth

It wasn't long that someone came for him

So he told lies and believe that it was truth

He could not escape his past

So he faced and dealt with a heavy heart

Only God can save him but he thought even God had left behind

Like a child innocent he was tortured

He carried a deadly truth

Born of anger

Many did not understand him

So he stayed quiet all alone to his self

Until he met her

She was an angel he felt was sent to protect him

He was happy for days never lonely at night 

Even though everyone he thought was against she showed him the light

The shared night on passion

Days of happiness trust

Until the day she left in a hurry

The reasons why were always blurry 

He thought to himself 

How can an angel leave his side

Leave him in a world of hurt that kept him

So slowly every day he died

Every night he cry

Asking to the father why him

Why must he be in the world hurt

How come he could not be happy

So he died thinking only about the hate of his heart

How she could've gotten away how he thought she was smart

Nothing was real his reality was fake

He placed the gun to his head and say this is for you heavens sake

This is a story by many can relate

How you could trust people who never stay in their place

So we cry and ask God why

Why did this person have to leave me

And still no reply

The end