It Is Finish

Heart Speaks:

Playing the fool is not my best role

And yet it is the one I play often 

How can remove.....

STOP!!!!!!!

Mind Speaks:

It is finish 

The pain your feeling is done

It's time to understanding your nothing to be run from

To run all over

The options are out there

You can and have done better

We need closer

We need to move on

This open wound will heal 

That blank feeling will one day again have meaning 

Is not easy I  kno 

But this is something we both knew was going to happen

You can not put yourself with something that has no bond

It's time to really move on

Be strong and brave 

This is another test 

You know what are you best 

Now it's time to put that S back on your chest

And get out of this mess

Heart Speaks:

But we follow one rule

He must say go

Or in one week we can go 

Mind Speaks:

It's been 1 week.....

We can go

So let go

Moving From Him

I can't sleep 

Not knowing him or if he is ok

He's not spending his time with me

So overtime I will start to fade

The memories that was built will slowly fade

It's not easy sharing too little

Being in this closed area 

Laying in my bed no one to watch sleep

Prayer to God where ever he is it's peacefully 

I can only move on from this

Something that should've ever happen

Not many times Do I wish

I'll keep my head up when he is around

But I wont hug him 

I won't acknowledge his touch 

I must let go or this start to affect me

Only if he would take more time to get to me 

We would be great

Mind To Heart Motivation

I walked away today

I asked him nothing but a question today 

Said to my heart don't be that fool again

We can do better

We can to on without him

So what you see him everyday

Even on some of both off days

But the fact remain your screaming

Your singing tears that does not come from up top

You want the hurt that's there to stop

You want so much of his words to be true

But can't be proven cus he is not next to you

You want to remain patient

You want him to see the Virtue in you

But you know eventually I will step in

You know that your life has a goal

Too much meaning to have one not know that meaning 

Seek and ye shall find

But the seeker is not looking

And you are constantly finding nothing

Nothing to bring your spirit up

Nothing to raise your head when he walks by 

Nothing to say a hug will fix

And nothing to touch when you need a fix

This is well pass lust 

My poor friend you fell in love

But it's time to get back on track

It's time to take the love back

Understand this is not a loss or a huge concern 

This is one of those major lessons you had to learn

Raise your head

It will be ok

The sun still rises and falls just the same

We will get thru the hurt and the pain 

From head to heart we will live again

What Can I Do.......

What must I do to relieve this pain

I feel more anger than anything but my mind is silent 

It's a calm before the storm 

That something that says its wrong to feel this way

But what can I do to be rid of this shyt 

It's official I want to be with him

But I do not want to be with the bullshyt I see

How much would it cost me to actually give into him

At first all I wanted from Him was just a touch

Thinking that everything was lust

But seems the one thing he could not stand I hated 

Promises...

Nothing in this wold is promised 

Maybe the best thing for me to do is leave 

This way he can remain hard for those that know him 

And I can remain focus on life

This on and off shyt is no working

Bad enough we work together 

I have no regrets but when we are outside work its worse 

Grinding....with or without

Feeling him so deep 

Tasting our mix after 

Holding him from behind 

Terrible addiction 

My own personal affliction 

And I wouldn't change it for the world 

But it's not consistent

We are not consistent and it scares me

Dear God what should I do

Don't Ask Me

Don't ask me to be honest 

Don't ask me to make time

Don't ask me if I care

Don't ask me do I love you

Don't ask to share my heart

Don't me to be that ride a die chick 

Don't ask me To be faith

Hold you down when times get rough

To fight beside you when trouble comes

To bail you out with no question ask

To hold you when no one else would

To protect you as you sleep

To peace, safe and serenity

To make time when I know I should be busy

To postpone obligations when I should keep them 

All of this don't ask me when you won't do the same

Real Talk

My Thoughtful Battles

How can you ask me to go there with you 

How can we grow or build when one of us is unsure

It's my life that hardens me

But what holds you back from me

The simple fact that we have something in common

Doesn't compensate for the things we are lacking

His main issue is word is bond 

There is so little I can do but so much I can offer

But what about him

Has he realized I treasure communication

The little things that will have you listening to love songs if missing

The things that some would kill for

And others would almost die to keep

But maybe even now I am asking for too much

Too much too soon?

This is my problem

Once I love I love hard

I watch, pay attention and remember 

Everything a wife should but maybe I should play that girlfriend 

Maybe I should have other options open other than him

Maybe I should have him as main but keep a spare on standby

What kind of person would I be

He wouldn't see me as unloyal if I got caught 

Call my bluff everyday 

Say things to hurt me truthfully

I don't know

Only God knows where this is going

Because I'm clueless

All this headache for a small piece of happiness

The real question...is it worth it 

And can he honestly confirm that it is

Unsure.........

Next Episode.....Funny First

It doesn't matter my position 

All that matters is his decision

I wonder day and night 

Our simple fuss and fights 

Of what we have would last 

And then I turn the channel

To we nothing but weak ass commercials 

It's wrong for me to say to hell with simplicity 

Even God said that life has more meaning

I created you and I create him

I open you up for him 

And he slowly closes old doors for me

Calling me constantly

Seeing the differences 

Nothing is the same

Master plan 

Only he knows

And to to tell me

It's always running trifold 

We not secret lovers

We not companions 

We enjoy the company

We even sometimes enjoy the fight

This is us......we lovin it

New Deep Thoughts....Going Further

Laying down

Listening to 702 Get It Together

Am I prepared to be in a relationship

Is it possible to live my life in a sideline happiness

It's me

All me

And every bit open thought that crosses 

I can't understand my second level of thinking

It is not like it permanently there but he wants to see

He wants to go further

I caught that much

But how can I go that route

I like what we do

Maybe I should let him know I feel

Maybe I should open myself to him

But can he handle the other side of me

The other side that has never been called a girlfriend 

The other side that carries nothing but wife made material

The worries during the day

The one that is open to his past

The one that passes no judgment

What can I say

What can I do

The most I can say is I Hate You too ...lol

MY FUCKING BAD....DAMN MISTAKES

I make myself agreeable but he didn’t think so
I don’t know his issues
I don’t know his problems
I am unsure of is where abouts
And at this point I don’t care
There are ways of communicate
Key word "COMMUNICATING"
I can see myself chasing someone that does not chase in return
But what am I saying we were never an item
Something worth pursuing
Something worth putting my arm around
So why put myself in a position that did not belong to me
I can see myself doing anything that adds him
So I pray he found everything he is looking for
, I hope that all is under control
And I hope whoever is comforting him lets him sleep
It is the little things that make all the difference
But it is not my place to make that happen
He didn’t tell me official that I was the one
The constant "I miss you" and the always "I want you"
Such a lie I believe but it was one I was willing to live with
But now that I know the truth
I can see the new light
Brighter than the one that was being kind of sorta promised
I can live something’s but not all
I can only bite my tongue for oh so long
And I can finally say so long
It was be kind of sorta hard to say bye
But I am not the one to sit and wait for the "I played you" sign to be created
I am a woman....so
I am human
And as a human basic needs need to be met
They were not
And can I blame him
Not rally
Something that was not established cannot cried over
So what am I saying here?
Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve
Never do theses that a wife would do for a nigga that is not promised
And don’t give up anything unless you know that real
And definitely here to stay
REALSHYT

Accountablility....Word Less Him

I can say my actions caught up with me

I can prove that me doing my own thing is obviously wrong

I chose to do me and he decided to leave

Is it his fault?

No

Is it my fault?

Mos def

But in the instance I rather him come to me

I rather him say that he knows my wrong doing

I rather be a man and dis me

Place everything I’ve done on the table

Make me regret ever knowing him

But for someone to leave out without a word

That my role

I disappear without say anything

I go away without a care for the next man

This is what I do

So why is he following after me

Why put feelings spread nicely on the table when I have not

If what you wanted a companion

Then why not make the steps to claim what u want

What wrong with your mouth cause apparently there is nothing wrong with your ears?

So you heard a little truth

You found out something’s

And you want me to be accountable

I’m always accountable

I remain accountable

I’ve weighed my pros and cons long before your two cents were needed

So why place a judgment on me when judging is not what I have done

I’m good

Life goes on

Time will pass

We will part

And all I can say is

Good Morning

The Weak Rule

Monday:
Me: Hey...
Me: Wyd'n?
Me: Busy?
I wonder if he is thinking about me
If he sees the messages I am leaving
Nothing is said and no responses
Maybe it is just me
Maybe I am the one wearing my feelings on my sleeve
Something I said I would never do
Has now come true
Maybe tomorrow

Tuesday:
Call Log: No Missed Calls
Me: how are you?
Me: Busy?
No response
I can't help shake this feeling he has done something
Something that may lead to regret
He is tired but what does that have to do with me
Did my absence bring him further down
Maybe its just his phone is broken
Why cant I come to a single conclusion
Why am I making excuses for him not responding to me
Maybe its because I want him now more than ever
One more day

Wednesday:
Log: No New Messages
Nothing....Nothing
I have heard nothing
Not the sound of his comforting voice
Not that laughter or the stories of his continuous life
Nothing
Now that I have realize this
I can not let this go on
I can not bring myself to a level I have already conquered before
We did somethings
I have no regrets
We made something happen
Like saying fuck you to everyone that asked questions
And now I hear nothing
With no way of knowing
I refuse to allow to enter me yet again
Taking another chance with a man I have not venture
I can drown myself in a pain I have no clue the ending results
Maybe tomorrow will be different....maybe

Thursday:
Log: No New Messages
I'm done
This is my life
There was no us
There was no relationship and yet I feel like that fool
But cant beat something that was never meant to come true
So I guess I'm thru
I want respond if he calls
I wont text back if he text
A face to face is what hew would have to do
All for me to say Got dammit I'm thru
On to the next day
I pray he finds his way
With or without me
He lives his life his way

Friday:
Log: No New Messages
Delete....Delete.....Delete
Another faded away memory
I have no regrets
What can I say

Saturday:
Log: 1 New Message
Me: Hi
New Guy: Hey, wyd'n?
New chapter....new rules
Old memories....now new Dude...lol

Courtesean No More.....Future

For years he was bad for me
For so long I left it alone and he found me
but now I have found restraint
He didn't judge me
I didn't judge him
He did what any cheating couple would do
Even when I thought we should end
There was always a issue that made us begin again
I can only imagine him naked
Nothing with clothing was good
Only way we be comfortable was laying naked
But in the reality that we lived in
He had someone to answer to
I have no to answer to
I had me myself and I and sometimes it would be him
I carried my feeling in a tin box
I carried them sometimes in a glass box
Depending on he felt for the night
We did so much in the beginning
And now do less
This is really for the best
And he could possible be the best
But I have left him back where he belong
Back to the family that loves him
The friends that maintained his lies for him
I am a bad girl
I have always been his experiment
And now I am back to being an average chick
Just that girl that was friend his past
Someone with good pussy and a fat ass
Just another piece of memory that fades in the history of his life
I don't wait any longer
I wait no more his instrument
I'm growing and now so is he....Finally

New Man.....Same Image

I said I miss you
He said I miss you
But where does this puts us
Are we moving into something else
The agreements is made
The decisions decided mainly by me
Does this mean I have found something new
Can I honestly say he can be it
Be the one to slow me down
Can he be the other side of me
Only time will tell
But for now I am missing his company
The accent, the antics and all
I have not had something for a while
I am placing myself in a new world order
One that is all too familiar to me
But it is one I have decided to venture
I cant really tell if he is thinking about me as much as I am
I can be myself when I'm with him
But for some reason he feels I am .playing small games
I am looking into something that has nothing on foundation
Like this is another well made creation
Only if he new how I put it down in the sensa side
How the the world I live can include him
How the way he makes my body feels...fills me
The way I take advantage of him excites me
How he comes back for me drives
Even when he sleeps concerns me
Watching him rest gives me some signs for comfort
Wondering if he has rested since I left
Has he made the right decisions in my absence
If everything I am writing is fact or fiction
Can I make this a reality or should it remain a fling
Only time will tell
And I can say yes or nah
Look at me
Sharing my heart with someone that doesn't even know they have it
And since that the case
I might as well take it back
This is not something i should continue to do
Maybe I should stop while I'm ahead
I wonder what he say about this.....
I wonder