Joint Testimony

These are the days of our lives
This is a lines that is said often
I can imagine how I sit and look
For a answer that is less defined
I've broken my heart several times
To worldly men designs
To a father that is never there
And men with no self respect
To say I am confined to this superficial world
I can say that I am alone once again
To people who see me as nothing
To the family that slaps my name
Burial rights performed to me not
To have something so ritualistic would seem to be right
But I lay here in nothing
But soil in the dark side of a yard
What am I to saying people who read this
What could they get from this as they scroll down
To surround yourself with lies and plagued love
That there is something else that can be found
We who see this are not things
We are more than just a curse
We can come together and rise
Instead of rising to God by the hands of devils
We all have demons that plague our souls
We have things that keeps us from becoming whole
Not everything that have been torn from our bodies
Have stripped away our faith keeping souls
So I say lets come together
Lets make a way
Let show those that are just like us
That we can rise on this day

Sincerely Yours,

Way Makers

The Child Next Door

I hear them every night
Saying things that's not suppose to be said
The words that come and go
Nothing ever is the same
Sounds get louder
Noises arise
Now I can't sleep at night
I have dreams of peace in the walls
I dreams of things that could be present love
But all I hear is the noises next door
I wonder how others make it
I wonder how they last so long
But when I hear the voices
The make me wonder why Lord
So I sit here in my corner
The room that was made for me
As I listen to music to drown out the noises
Sometimes I think its over me
I can't help but wonder why they get louder
Why things hit the floor constantly
Why every time I see one leave
And another always crying
So I say if this is because of me
Then why not leave
Why not see if peace will come without me
But I look at the door
The door next to my door
I open it
I pray for voices to cease
I pray that the door was greeting
I open the door only to see daddy hit mommy
Is this really about me
Is this door next to mine about me
I'm only a child and this is what I see
Maybe they will come together better without me
So I'll close my eyes
Say a prayer
That the door next to mine
Finds peace with one less person here

Sincerely Yours,

ICU

Past Calling

I see a past rising
I can not indulge in my past
Endure my past
Tease my past
The past is the past
So why is it hard for me to leave the past alone
Are the lessons that I learned not enough
Do I really need to involve myself in the past and bring into my present
Or should I be aware of the outcomes that the future maybe bring because of my past
I try my best to maintain a future like life
But over time the past comes with words of agitation
Even sometimes remembers me of the things I use to do
Even the things I could never exscape from
But I give myself a way out
A chance to begin again
Even if the consequences seem permanent
I try to over come and move on
But slowly like a future like warning my past says I see you
It gives me signs of wrecking and short comings
It gives the illusion that nothing is without a price
All will be paid in full before success comes
I can only image how to reveal a true path
So how many buts can I say before a honest answer can be determined
How many why typed questions can ride before anything can be given
I am not sure
My road is not fully shown
So I say to my past yes you are a mystery to me
Yes you continue to atonish me every single time
But from Maya Angelou
Still I rise

Sincerely Yours,

Late Reminders

Ideal Man

What do I want right now
I want a man.....
Can you tell where I am going with this
Well...let me stop you right there
I don't want just any man which in this world
Not any man want any woman
To be clear of a clear cut decision
I must look back at the road
I must look at every single collision
Its not easy to say I want a man
But to say I want a great man is pushing it
Here is why
I am a person who is hard to please
But to a man who has a plan
I am the greatest of test to fulfill every need
To say I want a man of greatness
I must place my self at a great level
I am not the type that meet others level
I set levels that catch men of similar ways or bigger columns
Can a man come to me with a word or a sentence
Can he open his mouth with the sweet words of love and contentment
Can I see him for who he is and not what the world modeled his idea to be
Can I sit in his presence
Breathe his air
Get high from him
And float into the air dreaming of roses and daisy
Through this can I say I am asking for too much
I can honestly say HELL NO
But I am unusual in who I choose as a partner
So....agree or disagree
Can the ideal man be achieve
Or
Do us as women want to be considered the achievement

Sincerely Yours,

Comment

Agree Or Disagree

Does it matter what I do
I am open with my sexuality when those around me are closed
I cant hide what I like
Put a lid on the things that makes me happy
Its easy for someone to agree with the opposite sex
Only to make sure a argument doesn't rise
I feel that society would have a new open mind
To the world Bill Clinton's I feel everything would be just fine
Yes I said it, don't judge me
But think about decision made
All because he had a special maid
Funny I'm sure but real as can be
Its not easy understanding life without love
So why hide what can be the best thing in your life
Suppress the ways of love to satisfy the plagues of life
So I ask in this short discussion of decision and lies
Can one person hide what makes them alive?

Sincerely Yours,

One-Sided

Sick Speaking

Fighting everyday
Seeking the truth every night
I feel sick to my stomach
I feel drained in every way
I push for so much yet nothing is given
I feel like my life is stretching
A headache that never goes away
I draw my pictures of futuristic ideas
But to see them ripped in front me is devastating
Pressure in my face, chest and hands
Waiting no more for another to seek me
Waiting no more for another to treat me
Treat me how I already know I should be
To be indfferent is not beneath me
But to have someone judge me based on negativity
I feel this is not the real me
I can pray to God every day
Ask him to take my pain away
Ask him to give me strength as I go thru life
To prepare me in his santuary
Honor myself  but many call it conceeded
I wonder who feels my pain
The edges of my sorrow
The powerful meaning of my words
Don't you wish things would end
Only for something way out to begin again
Watery eyes and chilly soul
End this with...HHHAAAACHHHOOO
I have a cold

Sincerely Yours,

Common

As She Reads...Dedicated to Anne

Giving whats due is not the manner here
To express your self is clearly the fear
Nothing wrong with saying shyt that seem unfair
But hearing the truth...I guess some of you can bare

As she reads...


She is looks into a hour glass of dips and curves
Nothing worse than something that you have to always turn
To understand the mind of the reader
You must understand your first a writer
As she reads...she also writes
Freedom of speech
She favors me
Like God favours all his children on earth
Minus-ing from all the hurt, pain wars and selfless worth
Its not easy to vent to the world 
To ears that won't listen
To put a light on the truth
Is announcing to the world your a protesting activist
I can't see myslef bottling my words
Feeling everything 
Piercing my heart
Like a drill spinning a screw in
I'm not finish


As she reads...


Its hard to speak words when people tell you its not ok
Like everyday speaking is a devil created remix
Like truth is something that should never be told
Like a preacher in the pulpit is the only speaker of the word
There are people like you
Who say its ok speak up and make away
Not to place under a thumb like a upcoming five year old
Or like the president who sits his ass down, does what he's told
I say things that may hurt feelings 
But unlike so many I regret nothing


But as she reads...


She speaks the truth to me
Wisdom passes from one to another
I can honestly say she is my number one supporter
I can't hide my words at all when it come to she
I swear if I don't write like her kids before she might spank me
I'm just kidding
Either way I got to say thanx
My constant rants now have a place
Its a choice to read 
But every word comes from the top of my  head
So everyday your getting me
Pure top quality
So I end this by saying thanx
She keep me motivated and uncanny
What more can I say but thank you Anne

Sincerely Yours,

Alley

Unknown...Midnight Venting 2

I can't sleep so I decide to write
To clear my mind once again of these restless nights
Good morning
Another day, a different pace
Getting closer to my decision crunch date
I miss the one and the talks we have
But the mentality of reality has set in fast
I can't have something so far away
Interfere with the plans I set everyday
But I look back and see there is no mess ups
But losing something so easy just to get a leg up
Maybe there is hope for someone who thinks too much
Thinking the reached cant be reached
Or the touched can't be touched
I can't look back even though I would like to
To understand my actions and the list of things I have to do
I have maintained once before 
But now its a tad bit different
Mind is settling to a new idea of leaving
Drawing conclusions of situation not completed
I have no idea of the way I'm going just yet
But my mind want stability and heart wants genuine accuracy
So I wonder to myself yet again the opinions taken
To lose the one over a mere decision 
Or accept the fact the one has another to comfort 
When I am not near...damn
To shade light in corners where the dark should remain
To break bread once again with a foreign name
So this is my thoughts confusing I must say
But facts remain the same I am going away
To a place only where the strong minded should be
People who will keep me sane should be around me
50/50 only
Not 20/80 or 30/70
I am doing this for me
And not for these weak ass individuals claiming to be my enemies
So be patient with me as I go pass the horizon
Everyday I set the bar
Head held high always risen

Sincerely Yours,

Pure Thoughts

Realization Complete

Thinking is my worst enemy
Overloading my mind
Trying to place an idea in the void
Putting too much into something that is destroy-able
To send false letters of love
I ask myself should I give up or should I continue
Having a lover as a friend is not hard
But having  lover in the compatible realm is harder
Turning a lover into a friend instead of friend into a lover
So I think about the pros and cons
Seeing the ideas of this is something that must be done
The real fear is telling my lover that I want to be friends
Would the reaction be one chaotic or will it be two civil
The pressure of such a answer to my question is nerve wrecking
But in my fears I find relief
The calm is coming
The time has come to release
The should I or shouldn't I has now been answered
So my heart is clear
My mind is stronger
I can let this one go and be glad I have found someone
Someone with the same drive and strengths as me
For the first time I can smile
I can now........breathe

Sincerely  Yours,

Recovery

The One's Effect

As I listen to music and think of the one
I trust that the one's heart is filled with joy
To where mine is filled with pain
I regret knowing the one
Hearing the one's voice
But what I want to say is that I wasted so much on the one
I could become the one
I can't do what the song say
I can't wait for the one's love 
When the one's love is being given to another one
So I keep to myself.....now
I shed tears of pain of my loneliness
I pour out everything that reminds me of the one
But the tears won't stop
My heart won't stop pouring
The walls that held the water back has cracked
Slowly breaking
How can I allow such a tragedy to happen to me
But it has and now I am dying inside
All because the one is missing
The attention needed to carry me ashore is gone
The raging river pounds against the dam I have built
I blame myself for becoming so weak
I regret the encounter so harshly
The wall is tumbling
I am washing away in this tsunami size tide
Where is the life jacket that I need
Something or someone to grab my hand
But I look again and see no one
So I drift to the edge
Dive into my sorrows like a waterfall
I embrace my hearts failure to love
I accept its fate and wait for the turning of death
A heart with a new hole
No savior.....just a memory
A memory of my pain in the form of tears
Only tears

Sincerely Yours,

Life Guard Wanted

My Shadow

I can not have you to myself
A shadow that grows in my mind
Your love is nothing more than a warning
I pour more into you but nothing in return
I feel cheated in this escapade
I feel lonely and down
The air I breathe with you around is slowly going away
I draw nothing from you but everything is taken from me
I share nothing in my wake
You put me to sleep with false promises and penniless gifts
I show no smiles or signs of happiness
You have taken it all from me
I feel helpless in your place
Your shadow follows me to keep tabs
I feel drawn to run but the road seems to run with me
I want to escape you but I can't
I am trapped in this thing you claim as love
I want a way out
But you wont let me go
The sun shines on me
When I turn around I see you
When will I be happy
When will I be free.... free of you

Sincerely Yours,

Escape

Silent Cries & Questions

I wonder what my life would be like if I wasn't so open
Would my heart hurt less if I kept it close
Would I travel thru life without the anger of people
Would I deflect the insults I hear
Could I deny the powers the lives inside me
Could I close the doors to the passion that's sealed inside this body
If I die would the world that has not yet known me mourn me
Could I see the world in a different view if my name wasn't given
Could I seal my fate by seeing thru the eyes of the shallow and meaningless
Could I shut the doors of my heart with ease like man/woman
With all of this could I pour no rhyme or flow
Could my words not pierce thru the pressure of today's youth
What meaning are my words of the eyes that are needed don't read them
So I ask all of this and say I am lost
I preach to empty seats
A choir that does not back me in a A & B selections
I say things that no open ears would listen to
The love I put out is turned down like folding of the newspaper
I feel like I have been shot down by the ignored crowd that surrounds me
As I take steps to prove my worth
No one is looking to congratulate me on my accomplishments
I sit here and wonder about the decisions made
To read my pains out loud
To write down all of my anguish
But no one answers me
I cherish each day like its my last 
But the people are the signal that I am a live
Without them I am invisible or maybe I have been
Refusing to accept my place in the back of the church
If I fade away today would anyone care
Could God give me the chance to look down at my funeral
To see the fake among the real
Would I see the tears of questions flow
Who is she
When did she die
She was the best head I have ever gotten
Fading....fading....
Would my words be cherish or would they fade like the fashion of yesterday
I ask so much yet my questions are not answered
I am shadow among the star
A under study seeking a chance at the spotlight
Even the one of choice has his freedom with his lady of choice
Its not him and I or he and me
Its now him and her or he and she
That she isn't me
But as I fade I do not feel remorse for my heart
I am sad but no regrets
I have shared this love once before
Now I see this path is never-ending
Drifting on a memory that was me
Saying goodbye to everyone silently
An hear me whispering for attention
Listen.......before its too late

Sincerely Yours,

Shhhhh

Identified Seductress

Miss behaving my own way
Constantly going after him
Like I want a man with attachments installed
Begging for time is not the goal
The real reason for my deceit is to prove
I am a seductress
The one that can get what I want at anytime I please
To draw him in is my pleasure
A goal that reigns supreme over any other
I wear what he likes
Teaches his girl the way he thinks
I take him from his environment
Recreate him into a freak of complex intensity
Then I return him to you with ideas of mind blowing sex
You look at me like I can never get him
But I am the one who trained him just for you
To see my method is priceless
To mimic me is a compliment
When he sees me respect flows deep
When he sees you only a thought comes to
Rookie
I am MVPC
Most Valuable Player's Chick
Don't hate me cause I play the game so nicely
Hate your man for giving me the opportunity
LOL ;-))

Sincerely Yours,

Team Player

The Substitute

He found me 
Wondering......
Saw me with interest
Watched me with an intriguing eye
But the first of many ignored him first so
He found me
The re maker of the first line mistakes
Decide to take a thought of nothing more than a rest stop
The one is nothing compared to the seconds ears
How could such be found when it couldn't before
How can the reason for staying be covered by this other
So the day is over and the night has come
Returning to the first but thinking about the second
Did he do something
Seeking something that has already been found
But this new discovery found in another
Can this be a bad idea
Could this fall to pieces
The time taken to reinforce the love gone in a day of ignition
Being ignited by someone other than the one that came before
Should be nothing more than therapy
Sure.....
But in today's society its another name it goes by
A name that is familiar to all but not shared
That word that tarnishes your lips
Crushes the very being inside you
Wrecks the foundation that 1 + 1 have created
That word.....it is claimed as second or in its other known name
Cheater

Sincerely Yours,

Option  Two

Gentle Lover

Gentle lover
I miss the sounds and laughter that fills my ear
To urge for that peace is no sin
Honestly I can be alone for days or weeks
For this loneliness is not the end of me
Oh gentle lover of my dreams
When will the presence of you be made into reality
The worth of such wait is not unbearable
For I am patient and willing to be embraced
This is not a plea but a declaration
To share my heart
To vow with my soul to never break nor forsake you
For the joy placed in my heart will never die
To emerge in your arms
To seek comfort in your surroundings
I can ask for nothing more
Bathe me with the tender loving care that covers me like a blanket
To draw the sky with my hand
To put the rainbow to shame with the colors of your eyes
God has blessed me dearly with a lover such as you
To change your name from which it contains
Greatness, power, joy and continuous freedom
I can close my eyes and not fear
The fear opening them to not find you
To turn over smell your lingering scent
To hold my pillow tight
To substitute your body and receive no comfort in return
Gentle lover I wait for the day
The day you walk to my door with kisses of love
The touch of satin felt hands
And the embrace of the sun
I wait for you

Sincerely Yours,

The Waiter

Final Act: Confession

I fell for him
The most secretive in passion
Mind seducing yet strange
His place so far places spikes in my head
The constant thoughts of him makes the intense knowing he is not here unbearable
But the reality of his presence is not real
The speech that signifies him is not real
But he is
The tears I shed are not for him but for me
They shed because of forced truth
The truth that this feeling may never come true
The truth that only this way of communication and foreplay
This way of seduction is meant to be discovered only in distance
The passion that could is out of reach
The water that flows wishes for a second outcome
Bares pain and sorrow of such a feeling
The pain digs deep like a knife on a victim
The memory seems so strong
The vision is touchable with eyes wide open
There is nothing worse than a deja vu to trigger a unhappy moment
To recall such a joyous completeness but out of my hands
The scenes have been play
The words have been written and said
As true emotion needed for this nameless affection
The same is not shown
So the roles are not filled
The show can not go on
And the actors find a new place to perform
The tears, the truth and love
Alone they are powerful
Together they are devastating
What a tragic story

Sincerely Yours,

Hurting

Memory

Him....he.......

He remembers me

Power is in his name that rolls from my mouth like a known language

The memories flow around my head like angels carrying blessings

I treated his name like a secret untold by others

Only kept by me

The shaken feeling from the pit of my stomach disappears

The tremble taken to my hands and feet fade

Such a way he moves to me glides like air caressing my face

His body warm as the sun

Heats the inner core of me

The rest of his impression on me is history

Pages I gladly turn back to get a second read

To continue such a memory is sinful

The devil could not have plan such a sweet encounter

This one of passion and remarkable strength

His way of speech is musical like in my ears

A symphony of violins cry tunes of tears to hear him speak

To this one of such courage gesture claims as undefined

I pour my love to the side as he fills the center

Combine it makes a grand burst of fireworks and numbing sensations

To the body has lifted off the plains to notion of my valleys

To the back of dips and curves

Him.....he......

This is my fantasy of him as he arrives

Yes this is my fantasy slash reality

Sincerely Yours,

Dreamer

My Heart's Testimony

My heart is lonely
It craves for someone to warm its flow
To rejuvenate it back to it's youthful self
My efforts to share my heart with another has gone to waste
To fall for one that has another has become a curse
To confide myself in the thoughts of one so fitting
Only to shred it to pieces by the message of another typed love
To introduce my heart to false promises
Drowning my life into a black hole of lies and discontentment
To show no compassion in a one sided frame
Only God knows my path
The one I am on now is driven to insanity
The lonely prospect has nothing to follow or pursue
A empty glass that has no love to fill it
Overloaded on empty thoughts to a hungry never satisfied
I wonder why I do this myself
Why I place my heart in such distressing areas
Do I need the enticing news of something I can not have
The sin of always pleading for time and affection 
Only limited to the first come first served policy
But the fitting is so perfect to a T to what my heart needs
The wants so far from the board but climbs to a height unreachable
Untouched by the normal accuracy but distorted by its competitor
I see so much wrong in this shallow convenient
There is nothing but in my pursued other and the wrong ideas
I feel so alone in the path my heart has once again chosen
I shall be patient in my love
Strong in the life
One day God will give my heart a since of unity
But the pursue is over
And now I am calm

Sincerely Yours,

Realization

That Time of Year

Freezing....cold
Dwelling down to the core of simple and difficult
Shivering to a point of no degree
I find no warmth in the arms I run to
Ice is the shoulder I lean my head on
The rain transforms into another beauty
Dance in the sky with grace and luster
To be blessed with flakes to kiss your face
To open wide and enjoy the brief taste
The unique silence the cold creates
The inside yearns to be warm while the skin freezes
Dancing the sweet love of ice and creativity
But all the beauty is not all beautiful
For the ice still brings a gloom to its shine
But like so many its disregarded thru time
This is a time for one and one to become one
This is the time

Sincerely Yours,

Winter