Huh....Not Enough

Since day one

It was not enough

The smile I gave

The laughter I protrayed

The beginning when love immense

Not enough

When I asked you how was your day

When your day was going wrong

When a change in mood came and days I caught it

Was it really not enough

The constant saying "you don't understand"

The constant break downs in examples and senerios 

The over barring reaches just to look with eyes

Eyes claimed to be unopen 

Eyes of nothing but unbridaled mental complaints

Physical is missing

Not enough

Knowing that my personal fundamentals is just

Not enough

Knowing now that my openness is cool but over exhausted

Not enough

Hearing the words

Being explained that even in the past a certain feeling existed

And out of anger it was presented

Now your saying good

This is good progress

Show more of this

I'm not into you enough to say I had enough

Sounds like a repeat offender 

Out of the tears for once did not bring fear

It brought profound doubt 

Asking you what you want

How you want

And why you want

All to get what was use to be given

Now I get the term you use so much

That cuffs your lips so often

A term you whipped repeatedly

Consciously and unconsciously

Information Starved

Now knowing what I know

My mind rapidly creating scenarios 

Scenarios clear cut negativity

Uncut TVMA rated

Everyone talking and including commentary 

But I guess that way would seem like a assumption 

This way would seem like the wrong idea 

This way would be nothing

Nothing at all but irrelevance 

There is no emotion here to see

There is no emotion here to hear 

The open book of my fundamentals has been branded 

Not Enough

This feeling has several names

It can be identified

Hurt, pain, the feeling of being lied to....close to but no

Being told that asking how you are doing

Does not show that you care

Being told that just asking how your day was

A new day with different outcomes, feelings & personal identity

Does not count on the lines of caring

To where many would kill to hear such things being asked

In your ears those words have been said enough

So it became not enough

The love affection 

The eagerness of what those answers could bring

The emotions that followed if given

I guess by your experience barely peirces the skin

For a brief moment I felt naive

Naive of not expanding my mind to you 

Naive for not thinking to go further

Naive for waiting to hear you speak of anything

Let alone everything

But I guess I asked wrongly 

It wasn't enough

Allowed it to go on for so long

You built a lesson, harshly taught it, got a emotion you wanted

And say that's all you wanted all along

You gave the impression you have done this before

And I was just another example of ignorance passing

Another day has started

So much has been lost

Speak from the heart.....

I guess everything I've said before you never believed I was speaking from it all along

I can probably safely assume

Nothing had registered

Nothing peirced the skin

My assumption of happy was your reality of pain

My assumption of worry was your reply of why bother

My assumption/showing of anger was a progressional stepping stone

My methods of returning to the past was your phase " too late" 

I pray to God this can not be my fate

Maybe I should laugh

Maybe I should smile

Maybe I should quit altogether and become a statsitic

Or apart of the black minority

Not enough

Not enough

Huh.....not enough?

Maybe I should ask another how was there day

Invest my time space to someone who is just as responsive as me 

Create plans and have them stick

And if the level of understanding actually be understood 

Or maybe I should keep that on the side

Live a double life

Where one side of me is being feed 

And on the other I'm feeding

How would I look then

Giving exactly what you want 

And from another getting what I want

The land of double dipping

But then who would I be hurting

Since it's not enough in the beginning 

Why hurt myself in the end 

Why not give myself something to fall back on

But I guess at that point I would be completely wrong

But wait your getting everything you want

You get everything that is required to you 

Everything that makes you complete

And after your completely satisfied 

And your levels of contentment has been reached 

I'll leave and go to someone else that replenishes me

Just for you

When my understanding is no longer being understood

When my basics is given and responses are not met

When the mental is exhibited and rebuilt...refreshed

I'll go back to you so you can read me dry all over again

Huh......every one gets what they want

I wonder if at that point will it be ENOUGH...