We Friends?/Learn Your Lesson Girl

It's funny to me how

Keeping ask me where you going now

And I say to myself ummm dude

I'm doing me aren't you don't you

You see we are friends

Much more than assiciates 

Created a bond that many wish they could obtain

Maybe you change your mind frame

But on some days we  do bad

Saying things we wish we had-nt

I was there when shyt came up missing

Took sides with a nigga that Neva had your best interest

Saw him creeping 

Excuse keeping

And yet to a table your constantly supplying

He takes your shyt 2-step riding

But the opinions of me are not real

But constantly your in the house playing deal or no deal

But we are friends

Well so I believe

Then how this keeps happening

Like your light don't have a right to shine

Like you can't take your energy back and rise

So we fuss and fight about life's struggles

You take it out on me and I allow it

Not because I'm weak cus bitch you have some venting

It's nothing to see how you are

But something to me to see you dying

Wondering if life will get better

Like this storm won't be gone 

Sharing tears in person and on the phone

Hearing the nigga in the background wondering why

Like yo bitch ass got a 9 to 5

We are friends right.....?

All this fighting cus you want to maintain 

Being alone darkness falls

Every other hour there is a pause to see if he calls

Now your sick and depressed

He decided to leave 

Didn't say much 2 or 3 words or less

And you telling me all you can do is grieve 

Now I have to be that friend

The one that ruin friendships cus the truth must come

Cus if I don't say something now

By the way your looking imma lose another one

All because your energy is gone 

But I ask aren't we friends

So as your friend let's begin it again

Let this be a lesson to you

Before living for two live for one

Understand that you are not done

Now your on one

Friend................

Dope Boy/Me Love Story

Looking for Mr. Right but he wasn't looking fa me

What I got was a dope boy with hands

Mobbing in these street

Sweatin everybody when he walk and speaks

Testing him is like placing caution tape

Mapping out your body with white tape

And he comes to me safe haven

Embracing me like a mother to a child

Holy nation

Understanding not to bring trap life

To a woman who ain't stunting 

Everyday he see her fight

He wanna drop stack on here everyday

But she got that independent mentality

Thats what he always say

Don't need that Louie fendi or prada 

For him to come home make me scream and holla

Running these street

Mighty Dolla

Got rock at home

Never turn into something to be bothered

Never let the street weigh down on my shoulders

Making sure I get call before the midnight hour

It's funny to me but not funny to others

How you keep trap house and home separate 

God has all the power

Climbing these dirty towers

Drinking these streets before they go sour

Corner dipping 

Ain't got time for pimpin

To many stresses on the plate

To much shyt to regulate

But everyday with me we keepin the faith

What can I say

To him the street paved the way

In the middle of the night

I'm the icing on the cake

Waking up naturally 

Couple of rounds he on me

He's deep taking all he can take

Not knowing the next time he will cut that cake

So now he gone

Back to the streets his home

And I'm back on my grind 

Ear still to the cell phone

He'll come round again

Again and again.......

This Happen To a My Friend

It's the beinnining of the end for me

But it's a continue struggle for my friend

It's not easy saying I need help

But my friend is always lonely 

They need help

You see I reached my hand out sometimes daily

On the days I didn't they said you was never there for me

On the days I said come chill

You were in the house skipping meals

At times when I would come by

Knocking on the door waitin to say surprise 

You would sit in the dark for days

Ignoring my calls emails and page

So one day I had to leave

You said hey I'm proud of you AB

But on the day I left

You found a new friend crystal meth

You see you only tried it once 

And true you are done

But then you started drinking

Then you got a call from me

I said I was coming by

I jus touch down

Your frown turned into a smile

You went to the door past the mirror only to see

Your body was fading you couldn't believe

You stared even harder only to find 

That the friend I once knew was no longer alive 

So I knock on your door to see

If you can out and play with me

But yet again it was a fail 

I peeked thru the window it was dark as hell

Maybe your out being free

So I swept a letter under your door instead

You see it....it read

I have cared about you everyday

You there when I was scared ( walking down the stairs)

You hugged me when I was cold (got in the car close the door)

You brought so much out of me ( car in drive now I'm driving)

Hope we can get together soon (around the corner....)

I never saw you come out still reading 

Tears pouring down your face 

Wrist bleeding

You see you didn't know that I cared

So you told world what the hell

Now your trying to stop the wound

But you did it too deep

Nothing can change the mood

You collapse but luckily

A neighbor called 911 then me

I came straight away

But you told your family to keep me away

Your body was so spent

You thought in your mind

How could you possibly recognize your friend

You passed secretly

Didn't tell me or your family

Days go by I finally go home

To see a letter by my door

It's was writen by you to me

Telling me in secret everything

How thru your eyes how you viewed me

How much you wish we could be

I fell to my knees and I prayed

That God gives you the love I couldnt give you that day

My Conversational Prayer...

My mind is filled with questions why

Then I hear a voice that say bitch sit down

Worrying about the future and how it should be

Playing the single game instead of saying its you and me

Wondering why the problems exist ahead

Praying on deaf ears

My God said damn stop praying

I made you this way so you can see

Out of hardwork is a new reality

Your man will come but it ain't easy

There is no soft road

Clean streets 

Believe me

The road will be hard as hell

You will think the devil made you instead 

But don't worry out of your pain

It will be explained... the actions of today

How so much had to come your way

Only so you be right and talk another day

Your not in a corner you see

I have you ways in and out by two or threes

Working up a cold sweat 

You wish the world shut down and give you a rest

But for twelve years you have survive this

You have gone thru people defeated many lies

You didn't let the work I gave you corrupt your life

So the men I sent you yea it may have been wrong of me

Be look how strong you became baby

You shredded those tears please forgive me

I created you this way so you can see

That a hardworking woman needs a hardworking man

I promise you will see

The time wasted he will releave

So please take your time

Your not old baby girl your fine

So blow the steam out your nose and stay refine

In time I'll bless you with man personally I designed

So don't cry...don't cry

Everything happens for a reason in life

Alright 

Alright

Where I Am....Confessional Moment

I'm not where I want to be

Making life difficult to see

Praying that life will stop being a mystery

Going day in and day out

Fighting to be announced

Having a man understand my willingness to succeed

But seeing the threats of defeat

Broken promises

Angry action met

Only excuses to speak

Seeing another bleed

Another bleeding for me

And started the stream cus I cut them too deep

Screaming God why me

You created a child with determination and creativity 

But what blossomed was tears and insecurities

Piecing together hurt and pain

I guess this something I have live they again

You never took my power of love

Never granted me the requirements of hate

But the independence of me to be great

Cost the greatest future blessing in fate

So I'm paying for everything I've done wrong

I'm paying the cost of the fast lane and fancy car

I'm paying for the broken routines

Down the lack of courage to explain

That I do not have eveything

This a cost to steep for my pockets

A debt I continue to pay

So many have come and gone

But only a few stood the fight

Waited for a Queen that continues to wear a fools crown

And everyday I'm not proud

It's not easy being this way

So I set rules and guards to make everyday seem ok

But at the end of the day it's dark inside

The false lights die every time 

And the one that wants to be my battery

Can't be my light cus even he is out electricity

So I return to the city of lights and lies

I dive into my old boring life

I return user and abuser of my existence

I remember I have to go home and do the dishes

There is no inner appearance

The outer has no glimmer

Truth is this 

I don't have it together

I can not be supplied whatever

I can not accept anything

All because I can not conceive everything

The truth is we are a like but at the end if the night

You have your battles and I'm still fighting the good fight

Only difference is you know when to go home

I don't when to say goodnight

I'll fight to my last breathe believe

Don't stand in my way or I'll mistake you for the enemy 

I'll confuse you for something I must defeat

All because you wouldn't follow the plans created

Threats to this ways is seriously what I see

So to get back to me I must eliminate all other possibilities 

This includes my heart, my soul and some parts of me

And unfortunately this includes the safety of my baby

I'm sorry for the stupid things

I wish I didn't do......but I do

And because of me we are thru

So back to square one or two

Punishments for crucifix 

Bigger than I can bare

And one I dare not share

I know it isn't fair

But I care......but now who really cares 

So I Took A Knife......

So I took a knife and.....

So I took a knife and.......

So I took a knife and.....

So I took a knife and.......

So I took a knife and.....

So I took a knife and.......

So I took a knife and.....

So I took a knife and.......

So I took a knife and.....

So I took a knife and.......

So I took a knife and.....

So I took a knife and.......

So I took a knife and.....

So I took a knife and.......and.....and....

Ended it all tonight

Now no one can go against this soul tonight

Now no one can spread disease of lies tonight

Now no one can bleed happiness and joy out my life

Cus tonight I took a knife and.....

Ended it all tonight

Goodnight....death is only the beginning

But I guess tonight truly was my ending

.......^.......^.......^...__________________

Huh....Not Enough

Since day one

It was not enough

The smile I gave

The laughter I protrayed

The beginning when love immense

Not enough

When I asked you how was your day

When your day was going wrong

When a change in mood came and days I caught it

Was it really not enough

The constant saying "you don't understand"

The constant break downs in examples and senerios 

The over barring reaches just to look with eyes

Eyes claimed to be unopen 

Eyes of nothing but unbridaled mental complaints

Physical is missing

Not enough

Knowing that my personal fundamentals is just

Not enough

Knowing now that my openness is cool but over exhausted

Not enough

Hearing the words

Being explained that even in the past a certain feeling existed

And out of anger it was presented

Now your saying good

This is good progress

Show more of this

I'm not into you enough to say I had enough

Sounds like a repeat offender 

Out of the tears for once did not bring fear

It brought profound doubt 

Asking you what you want

How you want

And why you want

All to get what was use to be given

Now I get the term you use so much

That cuffs your lips so often

A term you whipped repeatedly

Consciously and unconsciously

Information Starved

Now knowing what I know

My mind rapidly creating scenarios 

Scenarios clear cut negativity

Uncut TVMA rated

Everyone talking and including commentary 

But I guess that way would seem like a assumption 

This way would seem like the wrong idea 

This way would be nothing

Nothing at all but irrelevance 

There is no emotion here to see

There is no emotion here to hear 

The open book of my fundamentals has been branded 

Not Enough

This feeling has several names

It can be identified

Hurt, pain, the feeling of being lied to....close to but no

Being told that asking how you are doing

Does not show that you care

Being told that just asking how your day was

A new day with different outcomes, feelings & personal identity

Does not count on the lines of caring

To where many would kill to hear such things being asked

In your ears those words have been said enough

So it became not enough

The love affection 

The eagerness of what those answers could bring

The emotions that followed if given

I guess by your experience barely peirces the skin

For a brief moment I felt naive

Naive of not expanding my mind to you 

Naive for not thinking to go further

Naive for waiting to hear you speak of anything

Let alone everything

But I guess I asked wrongly 

It wasn't enough

Allowed it to go on for so long

You built a lesson, harshly taught it, got a emotion you wanted

And say that's all you wanted all along

You gave the impression you have done this before

And I was just another example of ignorance passing

Another day has started

So much has been lost

Speak from the heart.....

I guess everything I've said before you never believed I was speaking from it all along

I can probably safely assume

Nothing had registered

Nothing peirced the skin

My assumption of happy was your reality of pain

My assumption of worry was your reply of why bother

My assumption/showing of anger was a progressional stepping stone

My methods of returning to the past was your phase " too late" 

I pray to God this can not be my fate

Maybe I should laugh

Maybe I should smile

Maybe I should quit altogether and become a statsitic

Or apart of the black minority

Not enough

Not enough

Huh.....not enough?

Maybe I should ask another how was there day

Invest my time space to someone who is just as responsive as me 

Create plans and have them stick

And if the level of understanding actually be understood 

Or maybe I should keep that on the side

Live a double life

Where one side of me is being feed 

And on the other I'm feeding

How would I look then

Giving exactly what you want 

And from another getting what I want

The land of double dipping

But then who would I be hurting

Since it's not enough in the beginning 

Why hurt myself in the end 

Why not give myself something to fall back on

But I guess at that point I would be completely wrong

But wait your getting everything you want

You get everything that is required to you 

Everything that makes you complete

And after your completely satisfied 

And your levels of contentment has been reached 

I'll leave and go to someone else that replenishes me

Just for you

When my understanding is no longer being understood

When my basics is given and responses are not met

When the mental is exhibited and rebuilt...refreshed

I'll go back to you so you can read me dry all over again

Huh......every one gets what they want

I wonder if at that point will it be ENOUGH...

My Sistas

Down for my sistas 

Never left me in my misery

Place so much on my shoulders

But took it off when they got half they shyt recovered

Never would I betray my sistas for no nigga

This include baby daddy's, future husbands and other niggas

They cried with me but never really for me

Understand when tears were meant

Held that shyt back cause the situation didn't call for it

We break records in our own crew

Even when we not in the mood we still come thru

These are my ride a die sistas

So many niggas shouldn't trust us

We pass yo dick around making you think you famous

Only if you knew boredom struck

Rock Paper Scissors we had amongst us

You thought we were lonely

Excuse me nigga we were just horny

And you happy cus you smashing homies

Thinking you leaving us cottonmouth and thirsty

Each of us wanted specific

She wanted head, she wanted dick

I wanted your hands cus yo dick n mouf wasn't worthy

Cut throat are my sistas

Forever together are my sistas 

....too funny

My Confession....To Him

I don't deserve you

I don't believe that our love could possibly last

But as I look carefully at us I can see difference 

We are so far and so different

We created a new definition of the word same

Our minds are complex to us

Our bodies even tho never met have met

Our souls waiting patiently to be united

I have learned patience and now learning inner endurance 

There could possibly be no more us

Ill take the blame this time 

Did I do this on purpose?

No

Do I want us to be more?

Yes

But will the life we live give us peace

I don't know 

I don't want to be negative anymore

I want to be like everyone else...at least once

Be like the normal individual

But our paths have lead us in different directions

But when we come together it's our normal

Where no one else is included 

There is no drama except for the one we create

We are friends

We are enemies

We can build and defeat each other

We can guide and distort each other 

No one in this world can bring us down but us

There is so much work that needs to be done

But apart is where the work began 

Together is where the work will continue

But for now I killed you by my words

I have that gift that should have been kept secret

I carry the lyrics that go gold

But to you my lyric made your heart cold

I have no breaks

I refuse to be fake 

But maybe it's a good idea to have little fake traits

Dying to hear you fuss at me about my stupidity

To share my success to a silent empty room

Not a life I wanted to continue with 

But if I have final destroyed us

All I can say is I'm sorry

My air will be thin

My body officially icy cold

Back to the cut throat way I use to be

But this time with a bigger fire to fuel me

A fire that no longer has you as fuel

These are now my mistakes

I'm responsible this time 

These are the chapters I have written

And I have no choice but to stick with them

I'll pray for you

I'll pray for me

And hopefully God will hear me

I guess this is Goodbye my beloved

My Beloved....

My Real Husband.....

My wills and will not are not equal

Wondering what I want

Well here is where the truth will be told 

But having everything to hold

I'm sorry but with my cards I must fold

You see lately I've been struggling

Trying my best to be loving

But this world is still calling me

It likes the fact I'm hardcore

It's doesn't need sensitivity

It wants the blood that I have already shed

But I see now my wants have been put into submission

Taking what the world has been dishing 

What I want it really doesn't matter

My drive in life is dominant

There is no room for two prominents

You'll never understand how I yearn for another

Holding me when the world is holding me

Gracing me when the world faces me

This contest in life is comng to a end

Homie lover friend...I got enough of them

My reward is a husband

But my mind and the world even agrees

I have not earned my ring

I shake my head at myself daily 

Failing scares me

I hope you understand me

My partner for now is the world

At this point I can't be shared

But soon I will get a divorce 

I just hope my new husband will accept this widow

It's never about the success

It's always about what's required of me and you 

Trust, love, stability, and mainly direct contact

This is not far from reality

And yet it all looks like a fantasy

All I can ask is that you wait with me

But if you can't do understand 

Right now I am still married

And my husband still demand more from me

Clearing My Thoughts Pt. 2 (Icy)

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Choices...Ground Breaker

I quit

This mixed emotions of love and corruption

You cheated I forgave

I cheated and now I'm going thru 16 phases

I'm a diamond cut very roughly

But every time you come to me

I feel I'm cutting you deeply

I am not perfect

I am not this Susie home maker slash creator 

I have been thru fires and weathered storms

Half the damn time I'm never alone

I have rocked many boats

Damn I've even fallen

But in my life's history I've risen

Stood in front of the most powerful

Stood on side of many who consider themselves equal

And stood behind some that were weak

But now I got you

The same cut as me

But still you don't understand I can cut deeper

I do not live in the land of regret

I can walk away and live with my choices

Keeping the memories of my failures but never dwell

Seeing nothing but the truth of my life

Killing every feeling

Seriously going numb but never dumb at heart

I pretend with nothing

So if by any chance I lose you 

Here are the phrases that will cross my brain

"I am strong still"

"I have gone years without this lost love"

"I have weathered to damn much to allow this one thing"

"This one thing is not the end of me 2007"

I am a demon born and raised by the devil

I know how to make it in the pits of hell

Hell I lit a few fires of my own

But never will I be broken by a broken love

My hands are dirty

My heart never cold

My words may steal souls

But I still maintain my inner girl

At the end of my day I come first 

Everything else is predetermined and discovering worth

In life I have a thirst

May he come around or may he flee

This is my life

Accept me or get out of my way

Final choices 

She's In Demand

She is ready to be revealed

She is ready to be embraced by the world

But she stayed behind

She allowed her other side to run the show

She decided that the other side could hold it's own 

And as time went on the other side had proven it's worth 

The other side has made moves

Has gotten places 

But also the other side has made mistakes

Only a few times did she have to step in

To tell the other side you will be fine

I will shed the tears the world will never see

I will carry the shame that others won't understand 

I will keep the darkness you use to survive at bay

Instead of she hiding I will share this worlds burdens with you

Instead of she waiting for a time to shine

I will be your keeper

So she and the other side made this agreement

If love comes

If love decides to settle with the other side

Then she will takeover

She will give the other side it's long over due break

But to much that wishes to be gained 

She feels to believe much is required 

The requirements of she is demanding 

The other side has no complaints about she demands 

As time went on the other side has helped tweek these demands

To the world no one is compatible 

Until now

But she is still waiting for the last of what is required

Until she gets what she wants

The other side will stand firm

There is no vacancy

Love don't live here anymore

Well not with the other side at least 

Clearing My Thoughts Pt. 1

Been so long since I cleared my heart

In the mist of growing into my future

I have a man now

But I can't tell if he has a woman

I can't understand my stalls in life now

It hurts to the form of tears

I look around at others and ask myself why

I can never see myself progressing

I could never understand my life's hold ups

I am afraid of losing my self in the world

But I have been worldly for so long

I can't recognize anything with my mind

But ask me to see with my heart and I laugh briefly 

I am bitter 

I am a hoe

I am a mistress, future wife, wifey and girlfriend into one

I've played these roles to a T

But it's time to choose one 

But for some reason my future husband wants them all

But only if he knew how I gained each one

He wouldn't want them all

I am too raw even for my own good

I have grown up way too early

And yet the stresses of my life is not seen in my face

But comes out in my tears every time after each event

I've used, been used and continue this in my bubble

I over analyze to get by

I stay direct to maintain my plateau 

I know what it feels like to be lower than the devils pit

But can't see heaven when all goes right 

I've lost so much

And still can't see myself in devotion 

I've been broken in private

Like stone in public

I don't know the meaning of sensitivity

So many built bridges

So much trash to clean up

The amount of knowledge held inside me

At no point should ever be released 

I am my greatest enemy

My future husband thinks we are a like

But only if he knew I am 10x worse

I am the roughest cut diamond this world will ever see

I think everyone should pray that there is not another like me

Pray long and hard

Cus when it's my time to go home

The devil will greet me with open arms

Place me on his left hand side

Cus if he places me on his right 

He will fear that I am his replacement 

Honesty at it's worse