My Sistas

Down for my sistas 

Never left me in my misery

Place so much on my shoulders

But took it off when they got half they shyt recovered

Never would I betray my sistas for no nigga

This include baby daddy's, future husbands and other niggas

They cried with me but never really for me

Understand when tears were meant

Held that shyt back cause the situation didn't call for it

We break records in our own crew

Even when we not in the mood we still come thru

These are my ride a die sistas

So many niggas shouldn't trust us

We pass yo dick around making you think you famous

Only if you knew boredom struck

Rock Paper Scissors we had amongst us

You thought we were lonely

Excuse me nigga we were just horny

And you happy cus you smashing homies

Thinking you leaving us cottonmouth and thirsty

Each of us wanted specific

She wanted head, she wanted dick

I wanted your hands cus yo dick n mouf wasn't worthy

Cut throat are my sistas

Forever together are my sistas 

....too funny

My Confession....To Him

I don't deserve you

I don't believe that our love could possibly last

But as I look carefully at us I can see difference 

We are so far and so different

We created a new definition of the word same

Our minds are complex to us

Our bodies even tho never met have met

Our souls waiting patiently to be united

I have learned patience and now learning inner endurance 

There could possibly be no more us

Ill take the blame this time 

Did I do this on purpose?

No

Do I want us to be more?

Yes

But will the life we live give us peace

I don't know 

I don't want to be negative anymore

I want to be like everyone else...at least once

Be like the normal individual

But our paths have lead us in different directions

But when we come together it's our normal

Where no one else is included 

There is no drama except for the one we create

We are friends

We are enemies

We can build and defeat each other

We can guide and distort each other 

No one in this world can bring us down but us

There is so much work that needs to be done

But apart is where the work began 

Together is where the work will continue

But for now I killed you by my words

I have that gift that should have been kept secret

I carry the lyrics that go gold

But to you my lyric made your heart cold

I have no breaks

I refuse to be fake 

But maybe it's a good idea to have little fake traits

Dying to hear you fuss at me about my stupidity

To share my success to a silent empty room

Not a life I wanted to continue with 

But if I have final destroyed us

All I can say is I'm sorry

My air will be thin

My body officially icy cold

Back to the cut throat way I use to be

But this time with a bigger fire to fuel me

A fire that no longer has you as fuel

These are now my mistakes

I'm responsible this time 

These are the chapters I have written

And I have no choice but to stick with them

I'll pray for you

I'll pray for me

And hopefully God will hear me

I guess this is Goodbye my beloved

My Beloved....

My Real Husband.....

My wills and will not are not equal

Wondering what I want

Well here is where the truth will be told 

But having everything to hold

I'm sorry but with my cards I must fold

You see lately I've been struggling

Trying my best to be loving

But this world is still calling me

It likes the fact I'm hardcore

It's doesn't need sensitivity

It wants the blood that I have already shed

But I see now my wants have been put into submission

Taking what the world has been dishing 

What I want it really doesn't matter

My drive in life is dominant

There is no room for two prominents

You'll never understand how I yearn for another

Holding me when the world is holding me

Gracing me when the world faces me

This contest in life is comng to a end

Homie lover friend...I got enough of them

My reward is a husband

But my mind and the world even agrees

I have not earned my ring

I shake my head at myself daily 

Failing scares me

I hope you understand me

My partner for now is the world

At this point I can't be shared

But soon I will get a divorce 

I just hope my new husband will accept this widow

It's never about the success

It's always about what's required of me and you 

Trust, love, stability, and mainly direct contact

This is not far from reality

And yet it all looks like a fantasy

All I can ask is that you wait with me

But if you can't do understand 

Right now I am still married

And my husband still demand more from me

Clearing My Thoughts Pt. 2 (Icy)

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Choices...Ground Breaker

I quit

This mixed emotions of love and corruption

You cheated I forgave

I cheated and now I'm going thru 16 phases

I'm a diamond cut very roughly

But every time you come to me

I feel I'm cutting you deeply

I am not perfect

I am not this Susie home maker slash creator 

I have been thru fires and weathered storms

Half the damn time I'm never alone

I have rocked many boats

Damn I've even fallen

But in my life's history I've risen

Stood in front of the most powerful

Stood on side of many who consider themselves equal

And stood behind some that were weak

But now I got you

The same cut as me

But still you don't understand I can cut deeper

I do not live in the land of regret

I can walk away and live with my choices

Keeping the memories of my failures but never dwell

Seeing nothing but the truth of my life

Killing every feeling

Seriously going numb but never dumb at heart

I pretend with nothing

So if by any chance I lose you 

Here are the phrases that will cross my brain

"I am strong still"

"I have gone years without this lost love"

"I have weathered to damn much to allow this one thing"

"This one thing is not the end of me 2007"

I am a demon born and raised by the devil

I know how to make it in the pits of hell

Hell I lit a few fires of my own

But never will I be broken by a broken love

My hands are dirty

My heart never cold

My words may steal souls

But I still maintain my inner girl

At the end of my day I come first 

Everything else is predetermined and discovering worth

In life I have a thirst

May he come around or may he flee

This is my life

Accept me or get out of my way

Final choices 

She's In Demand

She is ready to be revealed

She is ready to be embraced by the world

But she stayed behind

She allowed her other side to run the show

She decided that the other side could hold it's own 

And as time went on the other side had proven it's worth 

The other side has made moves

Has gotten places 

But also the other side has made mistakes

Only a few times did she have to step in

To tell the other side you will be fine

I will shed the tears the world will never see

I will carry the shame that others won't understand 

I will keep the darkness you use to survive at bay

Instead of she hiding I will share this worlds burdens with you

Instead of she waiting for a time to shine

I will be your keeper

So she and the other side made this agreement

If love comes

If love decides to settle with the other side

Then she will takeover

She will give the other side it's long over due break

But to much that wishes to be gained 

She feels to believe much is required 

The requirements of she is demanding 

The other side has no complaints about she demands 

As time went on the other side has helped tweek these demands

To the world no one is compatible 

Until now

But she is still waiting for the last of what is required

Until she gets what she wants

The other side will stand firm

There is no vacancy

Love don't live here anymore

Well not with the other side at least 

Clearing My Thoughts Pt. 1

Been so long since I cleared my heart

In the mist of growing into my future

I have a man now

But I can't tell if he has a woman

I can't understand my stalls in life now

It hurts to the form of tears

I look around at others and ask myself why

I can never see myself progressing

I could never understand my life's hold ups

I am afraid of losing my self in the world

But I have been worldly for so long

I can't recognize anything with my mind

But ask me to see with my heart and I laugh briefly 

I am bitter 

I am a hoe

I am a mistress, future wife, wifey and girlfriend into one

I've played these roles to a T

But it's time to choose one 

But for some reason my future husband wants them all

But only if he knew how I gained each one

He wouldn't want them all

I am too raw even for my own good

I have grown up way too early

And yet the stresses of my life is not seen in my face

But comes out in my tears every time after each event

I've used, been used and continue this in my bubble

I over analyze to get by

I stay direct to maintain my plateau 

I know what it feels like to be lower than the devils pit

But can't see heaven when all goes right 

I've lost so much

And still can't see myself in devotion 

I've been broken in private

Like stone in public

I don't know the meaning of sensitivity

So many built bridges

So much trash to clean up

The amount of knowledge held inside me

At no point should ever be released 

I am my greatest enemy

My future husband thinks we are a like

But only if he knew I am 10x worse

I am the roughest cut diamond this world will ever see

I think everyone should pray that there is not another like me

Pray long and hard

Cus when it's my time to go home

The devil will greet me with open arms

Place me on his left hand side

Cus if he places me on his right 

He will fear that I am his replacement 

Honesty at it's worse