Bad Dream...

Losing myself in a dream

Touching this sky created silver lining seams

Being thrown into the ring

Pushing nothing by knowledge

Feeling the heat from the opposite next

But having the wishes on this dream seems pointless

Regular mentions don't help

Powerful silence don't make it better

The way I look away doesn't help me get wetter

This is a destiny that none like to enjoy

But it's mine and everyday I get annoyed

I get so much and not once did I get a return touch

Maybe I should fuss

Keep goin thru life pressing my luck

Trusting is not the problem

But it seems to be the root of all issues

Not once did I ask for a tissue

But for some reason it's always around me

Kleenex needs to be put to left

But it keeps coming like a bad gift

Shyt this is the shyt I don't like

Random.....

Random Memory....Hot!

Touching him

Remembering my baby as he was

Reaching six levels of pleasure

The breaching pressure

Bring nothing but silence

The shivering body

The quivering lips

The touch becomes addictive

Finger tips going across my face, neck and chest

Sets my body on fire

Fulfilling every part of my desire

Who knew a cold room could get so hot

Just my luck I'm here and he's not

Shucks !! 

Our Friendship

We are friends

Someone who I can keep close

Ask how you doing

Tell you the truth when others won't give you

I can be the wifey undercover

But also be that criminal Col. Mustard

I wouldn't do that to you

I am loyal as any dog

Protect and serve is the world I live in

We in this til I disappear

I can be you best friend with no fear

Slowly be the one to catch your tears

Even when your new chick be tripping

Acting like she can't tell how you feeling

Making your world feel like shyt

Having me come round

Dismissing this bitch

All cus I'm your ride a die bitch

The one who remain classy hood chick

Yea I said

And I hope she heard me

This is the level of our friendship

If she didn't know tell her to visit me

So I school her on how to keep you

Making the rules you followed out by me

Passing you down respect is all you need

None of that extra bullshyt

But anyways....lmao

We cool

I have no beef

We can maintain until I leave

Collect your life and work it out

Your a force to be wrecking with

Trust I know

Now let the world know how you flow

And I'll be behind the curtain

Telling you that everything in life is not for certain

But you working on a purpose

So my dude stay focus

Cus I know fa show you worth it

RNS....

My Sins Confirmed

After the feeling has passed 

Nothing seems to matter

If its meant for me then it will be

But now that the opportunity is gone

I just need to accept the facts

It's over 

He made it real

So why not confirm it

But I had to know

So the rule is dont fall in love if it doesn't feel right 

I am wifey material but not every man wants a wife

So wasting my talents should be a sin

Not having someone to just talk with me

Sin

Not having someone be my rock

Sin

It's my life and not ours

My plans for my future made that clearer than water

Did not include him

I know that now

And yet he still has the power I turn it all around

I will pray he finds his way

I will pray that nothing happens to him

I carry no bad blood against him

So this is it

Life goes on

And yet another chapter of no love and affection 

Damn....

What My Teacher Taught Me

I have done so much to be with him

Made decisions to accommodate us

To make sure seeing me was frequent

Making sure that we would not be apart for long

But we don't communicate long

We dont open up long enough to try

Even though the impression is there

I can't see it

And your not showing it

It's difficult for me to remain

When the love and affection I yearn for is faded

I wont feel jaded 

But I do feel hurt

Ive put in so much work

But no one to discuss the accomplishment with

No one to say its good or bad

No one to commit myself to

No one to hold even for a brief moment

Its the little things

I fell hard for

Long before the big things had time to rise

Long before our first big argument

Long before time space appart

Long before the chance to reconcile 

Long before the incredible make up sex

The little things

The little memories I used to keep

But now they have faded in space between us

Now they have crawled away like a child

We have burned our bridge long before crossing

Couldn't see in the tunnel without light

So the passion we had is gone

The fight to stay has subsided

The reasons to smile and yearn for your touch 

The wait to see you after so many days

The tear I shed was the last piece of emotion

You were no where near to catch

Being justified

Being analogically correct 

Being open has been proven to be nothing

And all I have learned is to remain silent 

Be silent when love comes

Be silent when a touch is felt

Be silent when a conversation has started

Have a look that screams to be voiced

Be silent when your heart is breaking

Be silent when your hungry for it 

This is what I was taught by him

Only speak when you have to 

Only touch when it is allowed

Don't be bold and carry feelings

Cause you don't know if the same affection will be shown 

All this negativity has drained my positivity

Swallowed me like a deep dark black hole 

But all of this can change

All of this can go away

Two options

1.) remain silent until my last day

Or 

2.) speak and let yourself be heard

But what are the chances that option two will be used

So in my lesson I have learned 

Love is not silent

You can not love everyone

Do not give up everything 

Don't do everything and put your whole heart in it

But don't harden your heart

This is just another test 

More will come

But not everyone is ready for the final results

Lesson Learned