Conscious Talking

Does it matter that I think about him
Does it matter that the action a normal girlfriend would have can't come up
Does it matter for the first time I want to say you don't spend enough time with me
But all of these thing I can't do
I can say anything in  the time category cause time is money spent else where
I can open a door to my heart knowing the greedy part of me can't escape
My emotions sometimes dull down on numerous occasions
Slowly I wonder if the life I want is maturing faster because of the New Like of my Life
It's strange
Yet this Strange can be identified
It can come so much of a questionable thought yet the other side me is still not really touched
I guess in some sense this is good for me?
Not having the girlfriend side touch but the Wife in me
Having this particular feeling has some familirity to it
i wonder does this mean that this is where I am suppose to be
Everything is "Peachy Keen" yet I still have something shading my heart
Something that telling me that this is exactly what you want just not the right ___________
The Irony of the futuristic notions
So quick did this feeling come and go
Or maybe it didnt go
Maybe its here waiting by the phone
Looking for a message of return or
Or a jacked up phones call where all I get is huh's and ok's
This is really silly of me to think this way
A way that ruined many relationships
But this is not a relationship
This is just a man name Jones...Love Jones that is
He can come to tell my story and form my ending
He has come to say that the Brother of my Night
Can be the survivor of my Day
I could say I pray
But God has made many ways
I won't use if in the plan He made for me
I won't use can't in a process He knows I can succeed
But I am here
This is now
And I am waiting?
Maybe??
Maybe........................?