Not Tonight...Reclaiming Me

He has told me for the last time

I wanted it more than ever

Especially now that my time was over

So I'll try again....

Him:Not tonight...

That's the finally straw

Next Day....(out with friends):

Girlfriend: Here is my advice...its either you cheat or....

Me: Or?

Girlfriend: Reclaim your pussy....

Later that night:

The sound of my friend's advice rings deep within my mind

To reclaim something

To take back something so readily available

I have not attended to myself

Waiting for my partner to intro me

To have him ignite me when he pleases

Now I home alone

Nothing to do but dwell in my frustration

So why not dwell into my hunger pains

Why not take a step back

Lay back

Enjoy the personal side of me

Have the power to encourage my own ignition

How different could it

Something I said I would never do

But desperate times calls for desperate measures

Besides my body saying that it needs this

So why not give it what it wants

Tomorrow...LOL

Next Night...:

Not Tonight....

I am going to do it

But how do I do this

So I leaned back and explored my outer being first

See what he use to see

Understand the ways of my call

The screams that comes over

Now I intro myself

I wait for this feeling which comes quickly

I feel my body relaxing

Flexing my muscles I have never really flexed before

I can feel a tight sensation come over me

.............

This is what it must feel like for him

Now I can feel this way for myself

The craving new sensation is powerful and addictive

The motion is increasing

I can feel something building

My body is feeling empowered

I feel a greater signal pressing against the back of my spine

I can not hold back

...........................

He always told that it was all in my right leg

But now that I have reclaimed and explored

It all in my left

No more waiting on my lighter

I can create my own fire

The Night After That:

Him: Baby...baby?

Me: Yea bay..

Him: Come here......

Me: Not tonight (smile)

New Found Claims

As I think about my actions

My will to say no

I find myself with a dilemma

Something rises and sometimes grows

The intent that I use to have. Gone

The notions and sexual intensity created motions are gone

Sleeping through a night with another in my bed

The ways. Of his bed

The calls for head

My body rejects him so

Say nothing but no

Its strange to me how the table have rested

How the power inside as now been bested

Saying I am a woman surrounded by the same fools

Having these childish weakness

I have graduated from this spread leg school

I have made a stand against the game layers

The cement laying players

These small battles are battles no more

Do I care if they dismiss me

Try to take away my new identity

To see failure, you must first believe you have failed

To succeed you must first be determine and believe that success is there

One for me.... them none

My King's Identity

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Longing for this King

This once servant who catered to me faithfully

This man that matured to a higher power for his Queen

The subject of failure to satisfy my minds curiosity never pronounced

To bury the heart in his soul was a job only he could apply for

The passion of his eyes flowed deep like the rivers that seized in my presence

I played a part he created just for me

Out the shadows of his pain he found the comfort which is me

He acknowledges me like only he could

The notion that man can only show love with their dicks....

He surpassed that fictitious fact

In his life alone

He has recreated my ideals of man

The cold shallow corners that seem dark and loveless

He has shined a light

Re-invented a part of his history of man's failed attempts of true love

He has gained the name King long before his time

And with that title he has never lost the meaning of its responsibilities

The securities I feel is presidented when he is around

No foreign enemy could ruin his chance

He is as permanent as the color of his skin

The sun kissed him first and I kiss him last

His dark brown eyes

A story so deep and strong

The pages of his life he shows to me

I cry not for him but for us

Tears not of sorrow but continuous thick laid love

As his Queen I have a lot to do

But Him as my King he has nothing to fear

I love this man....

Sex Market

Am I wrong to preserve my treasure

To hold it closer

Not letting anyone claim its royals

Should be my past

Present myself like vessel of comfort

Bleed my sounds to the worthless and the countless

I can not

I can not go back to such a time

To venture back is a disasters marker

I can not play that stupidity role anymore

Take me off the market

Take me down from the rolla decks line up

Remove me from the suggested and options

I am no longer that girl of remembered access

For I see in the absence of one another was sent

How the tables have turned

How does this effect me

It effects me none

For I am off the Sex Market

Vows, Lies...and Broken Promises

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HIM: To you I vow this truth and honesty

HER: To you I vow this truth and honesty

HIM: I promise to to cherish, hold and obey

Never to break your heart

To always cherish the moments created together forever

HER THOUGHTS: I promise...nothing

I promised nothing of the first hit amongst many

I promise to stand by your side only in the light of others

For the privacy is packed daily in a suit case

I promise to never embarrass myself in front of your peers

For if they knew the reality of a space we call home

I could not live in peace

I promise to remain that super woman

Locked up in Arcum Asylum

Waiting for your changes of mistakes and careless proximity's

Punished under a law that carries no justice or remorse

I promise to hold the lies that began on day forty-three

To keep the shadows at bay times three

All of this I promise to you

To walk in a bound of deceit, regret and uncertain demands

To love, honor and obey no longer at free will's givings

So now I ask myself...

Can I promise this

Live with this forever

The Answer Is...NO!!

I DO NOT!!

Fighting Complication

His touch screams complications

His mind is filled with angry moments

His body takes inner hits

His outer body shows consistent bruising

I touch him, he flexes

I reach for his hand

He stares at me unfamiliar like

Like tonight of love and passion was non-existent

This is a shadow that fills his eyes

A dark omen that plagues his soul so

A talk does not cover the details of historic horror

His words sound shallow

Filling his eyes with salty seas

The streams that line the pores of his face

Waterfalls of endless pain

I am unsure of the world that forms his mind

The objective is to cover him with the love that can be reassured

But the more the love is poured the more he drinks

The thirst of a love staved man is unsatisfied

The dreams that rides from his imagination is draining

No future to be proud of

No life to say is worth committing to another

The foul actions that always present a blank action is worthless

In the lost love the loss of another is killer

This he explains in 50 words or less

The pains of walking down memory lane is unforgivable

The minusing factor is unbearable

But I tell him that I am here

I am not going anywhere for as long as he wants me

I drown my self in his soulless, lifeless eyes

I search for the color that once was there

I cradle him in my arms til he falls asleep

I dress my hair in a way that pleases him

But even I know that it is not enough

So I incorporate Me and Myself

The trio of my personality is willing to fight

To the place the whole armor of God on

To fight for his rights to love like a Malcolm X activist

To go to war against the shadows that bar his soul so

I shed blood for the cause

The purpose of setting his soul free

I am that soulja girl that fights for my POA

I am a veteran of Gods love

The love I share will rescue him from the darkest fears of his life

I will be the one he comes home to

To guide him to the kitchen table

To get him his drink when he is ready

To sit next to him as we watch a movie

To lay down next to him as we sleep

He fights in his sleep

I hide the bruises as I fight back

To hold him past the nightmares

To stop the streams that falls from the black and white orbs

I lay on top of him so he can hold me tight

My body is a vessel of relief

This is the woman I must be to bring this Man back to me

A woman of continuous strength and understanding

I am power

I am woman

Eye Contact-Sation

As I look at him

Always standing the same way

He comes to me like written play

To introduce his self in an honest way

Also something written in a play

He sees me pass the hair

My sides of distorted shape

He sees exactly what he wants

But approaches me with eyes of like

He is seeking me with interest

I can't help but acknowledge his flow

I can see him fully cause now he is here

He stands before me with fear and confidence

He ask me questions with thorough like power

His lips never move but his eyes are screaming out at me

I can see him even more clearly

How intrigued am I with this word less conversation

He comes closer to me

As if I am calling his name

I am clueless to his agenda

No mind fucking

No constant battles of wits

He is winning all with a look and smile

This conversation gets deeper as he comes closer to me

He has spoken words of silence

I have spoken words of silence

Each step gives more knowledge

What class this teacher is teaching

He encourages me with the deep brown hypnotic sight

The motion is getting intense

Yet we still have not spoken a single word

My body is reacting uncontrollably

I can see him drastically

He has to pinch me into the frail like reality

He is now standing before me

The sweetest Cologne of skin

The thing that no bottle could contain

The scents of all scents nostalgic fever

Driving my body so high

My mind wonders when the eyes will see in its speech

When will the tongue ignite fire of words

When will the lips come two together

Pressing motions to form words

How my mind is overloaded with constant thought

As I try to open my mouth

He speaks finally

He says..."Hi...how are you doing today?"

All I could do was reply with a smile

For speech is gone

Babified and jumbled

Hmmm....this is my to be continued journey of life and love