A Lonely Christmas...with a Twist

On this Christmas i learned something today
A lesson formed by God to me
Leaving alone is hard to work and sleep
Depresses the hell out of you
The ways of today really do effect the answers of tomorrow
So to understand today was given
The option to be alone is no longer an option
Over time once repeated now repeatedly is true
To say your alone when your not is wrong
Like a prayer not ended my amen
Is like a light blink on God's answering machine
Once given a lesson is give
Be careful what you prayer for
Another saying be careful what you wish for
Both are dangerous at the voice continuously speaks
Both have a way of getting back at you
That name is karma
But why today of all days
Why choose a day of togetherness and family
Loves greatest moment with compassion at its peak
Its simple really...
When your alone laughter doesn't come
When your alone warmth is not present
Having the joy of another is non existent
Alone is defined as by yourself
Also defined as the number 1 singular not plural
Over time this word alone accumulates more
Loneliness, depression, solitude, dark
So even the word such as alone has other players
But these players are the kind to play with
Yet again
Why today of all days to learn such a lesson
Why give such a dark, lonely and depression lesson
Only to show that we all need people
No matter their role, no matter their place
No matter how messy, conceded, self-centered
Even those people are needed
Yes shutting those people out is easy
But over you realize they made you day go by
The little time it took to miss a call
Time it took to hold the phone from your ear
All of this is people right place and their perfect time
Is this preventable...yes
But are they needed...somewhat...yes
So with all of this said how do I feel
With the passing family of 4 and grandpa
Wanted to sell their kids
Telling me that even today is blessed day
Ok...

Before I Let You Go... #BlackStreet feat Dave Hollister

I am thinking about him as I write
I told him I did not want him anymore
I lied a little bit
I miss him for other reason than sex
I miss the laying down
I miss him behind me
I miss him in a way a wife misses her husband
I miss him like a family that watches their son travel overseas
I miss him like a mother missing her son that's at college
I miss him like....indescribable
I miss him is my point
I could say reconcile is easy but its not
I can not do what my past has already taught
I have learned this lesson
To go back and re-do it is wrong
But I miss him
I just want him to lay next to me for a little while and leave
Leave before my heart says stay
Louder than my own voice 
I want him to leave so I can not have the options
The options to relive the pains that brought the break up
I can honestly say that the way I am is clear but a little pleasure is so wrong
I can control myself 
I can go on without this feeling
But as a single woman I do have my moments
I can go back to the weak
The non-feeling
The worthless and orgasm less
But I know what my true sensation feels like
I know what the ways of my inside being turned inside out feels like
I miss that
I miss the taste of him...sweet to the tongue like honey
Parts I greet with open hands, mouth....hmmm legs
I miss him for his compassion towards me
I miss him for the times he stood up for me
Over all I miss him but I know I can not have him
So I keep my heart tamed
I try to keep it contained
Hoping that someone comes around to give me
Give me some of what I have felt from him
From missing to waiting....never ending cycle

Sincerely Yours,

Muse

In Loving Memory

 She is now gone
I can not believe that she left
But she gave a fight that death could not win
But in the end
When God calls you home
He calls with trumpets blazing
I can understand the cycle of life and death
And some ma think that death comes to earl
But when it comes its not a sad occasion
She was a soul that brought joy
She brought the best gossip
Made m mother smile
To the end the remained best friends
Es she gave death a run for his money
She was not the type to stay down for no reason
On the times she was weak she created miracles
On times when was strong she battle storms and won
There is so much that could be said
But her vibe alone spoke out loud
Nothing about her could really be said bad
We all have our ups and downs
So did she
No judgments
No fouls
She did what an one with a life, goals and obstacles had to do
We live to die and only God knows why
While she was on this earth she gave her all to the fullest
She gave God the glory
In silences she prayed for her family
Out loud she called Gods name and gain his attention
Favored by his glory he calls her home
Like a thief in the night he whispered in her ear
And said you have done all you can
You have given what a mother can give to her children
You have given what a best friend could give to her most trusted
Now I call you home to a reward worthy of your statue
She has now gone home to God
I pray that he welcomes you his arms open wide
His heart pouring with sweet happiness
And his mind that never took you away from his thoughts
Shenita you will be missed 12/12-13/2011
You will always be remembered…always…