My Lonely Thoughts

My self

In the rage of one defining moment I am longing

I crave a passion that only is permitted as shallow and no purpose

I hear the rain against the window and scream with sorrow

I am anxious to call a favor

To fill a sexual void

Only to see that same void walk out the door and not necessarily be mine

I have the opinion to say no but this a void this deep screams yes

I want to the longing for keep

The ways of saying to the world that this is mine

To have for a few hours

To beg to have for a lifetime

I can keep the soul at bay

But the reality is

I am lonely

I am without the counterpart

Need to survive

Needed to work with

Argue with

Stroke in the walls that need dusting

So frustrating

Seeing the scenes of a movie I crave even more

I pride myself in the nothingness that is within me

I have no other interest be to be spiritually, sexually, physically satisfied

I want to be greedy with him

Not share him with friends and family

I want to treated the same

Not shared with family or his boys

Having the indulge of his life in inside a tunnel so bare

I want to the opinions to say go deeper

All of these want but likes I have to make a small change in this reality

The thrust or should I say thirst on some day or beyond unbearable

How can I open myself on the worth of opinions when even the object of this all is not around

I have the passion, competence and worth

Yet I give it to the unworthy and the even the worthless

I have the begging opinion to set things up

I have so much to where I nothing

Being able to say come to me

And they come

And then say sum to me and they cum

Such a power how come I cannot get the permanently

Why can I not have something permanent in the corner?

Why should i/do I have to always venture around for something so spiritually natural

I have such an absent love to where I now think it is lost

Lost in a place I cannot get to

And surrounded by bricks of false promise and destroying intensions

Small is my life

But great is my hunger

I must maintain

For I want what he has but what he has could never be mine

He wants what I have but only by the memory of what was once given

And then by the chance it could be given again

So wreck less….so gone